Rumours of My Death
by Heavenli24
Summary: Veronica gets the surprise of her life when an unexpected visitor shows up at her door. Season 4 fix-it fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Veronica sits curled up on the couch, absently stroking Pony's fur as the large dog makes herself comfortable beside her, her head resting in her lap. Her chest tightens anxiously as her thoughts return to last night… when she found _it_.

The ring.

Her lips press together in a tight line as she remembers how Logan had gently kissed her shoulder, before taking the ring and moving to stand before her as he prepared to lay his heart on the line.

If she hadn't been completely panicking at the time, she might have shuddered with pleasure at the tenderness of his caress; might have burst into uncharacteristic tears at the sight of him sliding down onto one knee, all delectably bare-chested and vulnerable; might have acknowledged how utterly romantic and so totally _her_ his proposal would have been… and she might _not_ have run right out of the apartment without looking back.

But she didn't do any of that. Instead, she shut it down before he could even say the words, because he couldn't be proposing.

He _couldn't_.

He was never supposed to propose. They'd agreed on that. They were both on the same page about marriage. Right? So, what the fuck was he thinking? He _knew_ her answer would be no. She'd made that perfectly clear every single time the subject of marriage had ever come up between them (which, granted, wasn't that often).

_Wait a minute_….

She frowns as something occurs to her: he's barely even reacted to her rejection of his proposal. Not even when she returned home after the NUTT meeting last night, spoiling for a fight. In fact, he just shrugged it off like it was no big deal and went to bed. Even this morning, when, feeling slightly guilty, she woke him up with crazy-hot morning sex before apologising for taking off, he just kissed her, told her it was okay, and went to take a shower.

_I mean, what the fuck?_

She expected him to call her out on her adamant refusal, to try to talk her round, maybe even yell at her for running out on him like that. But he hasn't done that at all. He just seems to have accepted her answer and moved on, almost like he doesn't even care that she just flat-out refused to marry him. Almost like she was just turning down an offer of coffee or something.

God, when did everything get so screwy between them?

Before last night, things were good, right? They were happy, stable, committed. Everything was great… well, maybe apart from the fact that she never knew when he would be home. Then again, the reunion sex is always so incredible that even when she fully intends to get mad about his unpredictable schedule, she winds up so blissed-out she can't even remember what she was mad about in the first place. But now… now things are weird, and she doesn't know how to fix it.

A soft knock on the door pulls her from her thoughts, and she frowns, glancing across the apartment. Who would be showing up at her door at this time of night? It's not her father's knock, or Wallace's either. Mac is off on her trip of a lifetime in Istanbul, and Logan's out with his Navy buddies tonight.

The knock comes again, harder and louder this time, and it spurs Veronica into action. She pushes Pony's head from her lap and stands up, straightening her top as she makes her way to the door. Pulling it open, her eyes widen in shock, and she inhales sharply as she tries to make sense of what she's seeing.

"Oh my God…" The words come out in a rush of air.

The person on the other side smiles widely, says in a soft teasing voice, "Why, Veronica Mars, you look like you've seen a ghost."

Veronica can't stop staring, her heart pounding so hard it hurts. This can't be happening… no, she has to be dreaming… right? There's no way this is real.

There is no way in hell that Lilly Kane is standing on her doorstep, more than seventeen years after she died.

* * *

"I, uh…" Veronica swallows, hand gripping the edge of the door, knuckles turning white with the force. She blinks. "Lilly?"

Her best friend—her _dead_ best friend—grins, holding up her hands. "In the flesh."

"But, you're… you're dead," she manages faintly.

Lilly shimmies her shoulders playfully, just like she used to as a teenager, her eyes widening with excitement. "Surprise."

"Oh God." Veronica feels bile rising in her throat and she claps a hand over her mouth as nausea rolls through her.

Turning quickly from the door, she makes it across the kitchen to the sink just in time to empty her stomach.

"Shit, Veronica…" Lilly's shocked voice penetrates her nauseous haze. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… Shit."

Turning on the tap, Veronica brings a handful of water to her lips, rinsing and spitting, before reaching for a hand-towel and wiping her mouth as she gingerly straightens up. She turns around slowly, afraid of what she might see. She blinks once, then twice, then swallows again.

Lilly Kane really _is_ standing before her, one hand resting against the kitchen counter, a duffle bag on the floor at her feet, as she watches Veronica with concern. She looks the same, but… not. Her hair is short, just skimming her shoulders, and it's a dark brown now, and her face has lost its youthful baby fat. She's slimmer, more angular. She's _older_.

"You're really here…?" she breathes out eventually, the realisation finally sinking in.

Lilly nods. "I'm really here."

"But… I don't… I don't understand." Veronica struggles to make sense of what she's seeing, and hearing. "You died. I went to your funeral. I _grieved_ for you, Lilly. You're _dead_."

"Yeah…" Lilly bites her lip as she glances towards the ceiling before shrugging sheepishly. "Um, not so much."

"But… how?"

"It's a long story," she says. "But short version: I got caught up in something I shouldn't have; saw something I wasn't supposed to. The government faked my death, put me in Witness Protection, so no one would come looking for me."

"W-what?" Veronica can barely even process what she's hearing. _Witness Protection_? _Seriously_? "What could you have possibly seen at sixteen that got you put in Witness Protection? And why come back now?"

"I'll tell you everything, I promise," says Lilly earnestly. "Just… not right now."

"Lilly!" Veronica exclaims, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "Are you crazy? You can't just show up at my door seventeen years after you died and expect me to accept it, no questions asked!"

"I know," Lilly returns quickly, her hands lifted in surrender. "I know that. It's just… it's hard to explain, and I'm too exhausted to do it right now. I've been travelling for hours."

"Wait, so you literally just got back into town, and instead of, I dunno, getting a hotel room for the night, you decided to scare the shit out of me by showing up at my door unannounced?" Veronica shakes her head in disbelief. "What's this really about, Lilly? Why are you _here_, at my apartment?"

Lilly winces. "I, um, I need somewhere to crash, and I kind of have to lay low for a bit. I can't have anyone else knowing I'm alive yet."

"I can't put you up, Lils." Veronica sighs, moving to lean against the fridge. "I only have one bed."

"So? We've shared a bed before." Lilly shrugs, like it's no big deal.

Like she and Veronica are still best friends. Like she isn't a stranger now. Like she hasn't been 'dead' for seventeen fucking years.

"That's not really the issue, Lilly," Veronica hedges. "I already share the bed with someone else."

"Oh." Lilly frowns, then glances around the living room, obviously noting the masculine touches. "_Oh_."

"Yeah."

"Hmm, no ring…" Lilly muses, glancing down at her bare left hand, and Veronica winces as the memory of Logan's failed proposal flits through her mind. Lilly gasps then, her eyes widening into a faux scandalised expression. "Veronica Mars, are you living in _sin_ with a _man_?"

Veronica groans, shaking her head. "Lilly…"

"Ooh, what's he like?" Her eyes light up, glancing around the room again, before falling on Logan's Navy uniform jacket slung over the edge of the couch. "He's military? Ooh, Veronica, don't tell me you finally bagged your very own fleet week sailor? I bet he's totally gorgeous in his uniform, right? With a body to die for?"

"Well…" Veronica's cheeks heat up as she recalls the incredibly steamy reunion sex they'd had right there on the couch yesterday afternoon.

"I knew it!"

At that moment, the apartment door clicks open and Pony jumps off the couch, running to the door to greet Logan as he steps inside.

"Hey, girl." He crouches down to greet the dog, ruffling her fur and letting her lick his face excitedly, seemingly oblivious to the additional person standing in their kitchen. "I know you missed me, but you don't have to jump on me every time I come through the door. I'm not going anywhere for a while."

Veronica stands frozen, her gaze flitting between Logan and Lilly, who is turning towards him with curiosity in her eyes.

"Oh." Logan starts in surprise when he stands up and realises Veronica's not alone. "Sorry… didn't know anyone else was—"

He stops short, jaw dropping and colour draining from his face when he sees Lilly.

"Ho-ly fuck."

Lilly's mouth falls open in surprise, glancing back to Veronica again, before refocusing on Logan, her voice faint as she murmurs a shocked, "Logan?"

"W-what the…?" Logan shoots Veronica a look that asks, _Am I seeing things right now?_ Veronica can only respond with a helpless shrug. "L-Lilly?"

"Surprise." It's Veronica who says it this time. "Guess who's not dead after all."

"Hey, Logan," Lilly speaks up now, fiddling nervously the handbag slung over her shoulder. "It's good to see you."

"How… I mean… why…?"

It's not often that Logan is rendered speechless, but it seems his high-school ex-girlfriend coming back from the dead will do it. He gives Veronica a bewildered look before lifting one hand in a twisting flourish.

"What the fuck, Lilly?" he bursts out suddenly, the words uncharacteristically harsh and angry for the 'calm and collected Logan' he's been projecting of late. "We thought you were dead! You fucking died! We loved you and we mourned you… and you were alive and well all along? And now you just expect us to welcome you back into our lives as if nothing happened?!"

Lilly takes a step forward, lifting a hand out to him. "Logan, I can explain…"

Logan bats it away, looking hurt. "Where the fuck have you been for the last seventeen fucking years, huh?"

Lilly's mouth falls open again, her expression pained, and Veronica's eyes widen when she realises she's actually holding back tears.

"Hey," she says quickly, moving to stand between the two of them, hands held up like a protective barrier. "Let's just calm down, okay? Talk about this without throwing any punches, verbal or otherwise."

Logan's jaw clenches, hands balling into fists as his piercing gaze focuses completely on Lilly, but he eventually nods, taking a couple of deep breaths as he forces his body to relax. Lilly, nods as well, pressing her lips together and composing herself.

"This is a massive shock, I know," Veronica addresses Logan, "but getting mad isn't going to help anything."

"I wanna know how she thinks she can just waltz back into our lives as if nothing happened," mutters Logan tightly.

Glancing quickly at Lilly, who seems frozen to the spot, Veronica turns to face Logan.

"She's been in Witness Protection," she explains gently. "She couldn't contact anyone."

"You've been _what_?" Logan looks up at Lilly again, eyes narrowing, expression hard. "Is this a fucking joke? You were _sixteen_, Lils. What the hell did you get yourself into?"

"Like I told Veronica, short version is: I got caught up in something I wasn't supposed to and they had to pull me out for my own safety," Lilly says quickly. "It took seventeen years, but it's over now. It's finally safe for me to come home."

Logan shakes his head in incredulity, lifting a hand and rubbing the back of his neck. "I can't believe this…"

"Believe me, I know how ridiculous this all sounds," says Lilly, "but I'll explain everything, I promise. After I've gotten some sleep. I'm beat."

"Lilly needs somewhere to crash tonight," Veronica informs him.

Logan's gaze snaps back to hers, looking confused. "Well, _we_ don't have room."

Veronica shrugs. "There's the couch?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Veronica, the couch is not even big enough for _you_ to sleep on."

"Wait a sec…" Lilly interrupts their discussion, stepping forward. "_We_? As in, you guys live here _together_?"

Veronica locks eyes with Logan for a moment, before slowly turning back to face Lilly. "Yeah… we do."

Lilly frowns. "But I thought you were dating a hot sailor?"

Logan smirks, lifting an eyebrow at Veronica, before shooting off a quick salute. "Lieutenant Echolls at your service, ma'am. Fighter pilot turned intelligence officer."

Lilly's mouth drops open, her eyes wide. "No shit!"

"Yeah, shit," says Veronica in reply.

"Fuck, I feel like I'm in a parallel universe …" mutters Lilly faintly.

"_You_ feel?" retorts Logan, his hand coming to rest on Veronica's waist. "Spare a thought for _us_. You just came back from the fucking dead."

Lilly tilts her head in contemplation, before shrugging. "Fair point."

Logan's thumb slips beneath the hem of Veronica's shirt, gently stroking her skin, and Veronica lets a small smile play on her lips as she turns her attention back to Lilly, still not quite believing that her teenage best friend is standing before her, alive and well.

"Look, Lilly," she says, "you're welcome to stay, but we really can only offer the couch."

"Thank you, Veronica." Lilly breaks into a wide smile then, her eyes sparkling, just like they used to all those years ago. Just like they had at the car wash the day she…apparently didn't die. "You're the best."

She reaches out as if to hug her, as if they're still best friends, and Veronica takes a step back, stumbling into Logan, who steadies her.

"Sorry." Lilly pulls back with a wince. "Too soon."

"Listen," Logan speaks up, attempting to ease the tension, "it's late, and we're all tired. Let's get some sleep, and we can talk in the morning."

"I'll grab you a pillow and some blankets," says Veronica quickly, before heading down the small hallway to the bedroom.

She grabs a couple of blankets from the closet, before pulling one of the spare pillows off the bed. With a disbelieving shake of her head, she enters the living room again, brushing past Lilly and Logan, who are still standing awkwardly in the same positions, and placing the pillow and blankets down on the cushions. Lifting Logan's jacket from the back of the couch, she hands it to him as she comes to stand beside him.

"Okay, so the bathroom is just on the right." She points to the open door a few feet away. "And feel free to help yourself to anything from the kitchen."

"Thank you," says Lilly sincerely. "And I'm sorry. I know me showing like this must be, like, the biggest shock ever, but there wasn't anyone else I could trust."

Beside Veronica, Logan looks a little uncomfortable, but he nods anyway. "Well, uh, sleep well, I guess."

"See you in the morning," Veronica adds.

There's an awkward beat, as the three of them just stare at each other, before Logan's hand comes to rest on Veronica's back, and he urges her in the direction of their bedroom.

"Goodnight, Lilly."

"Night, Veronica," Lilly replies softly. "Logan."

Veronica only manages to keep her cool until she's inside the bedroom and Logan has shut the door behind him.

She turns to him, flinging her hands up. "Okay, what the _fuck_ just happened?"

Logan shakes his head, still looking a little shell-shocked as he drops his jacket on the bed. "I have no fucking idea."

"This is… I can't even…" She shakes her head, bewildered, as she starts to pace across the small space at the end of the bed. "That's _Lilly_ out there."

"I know."

Veronica stops, reality suddenly sinking in. Her chest tightens uncomfortably and her voice comes out shaky as she repeats, "It's _Lilly_, Logan. She's alive. She's here, in our apartment. I don't—"

Her voice cracks and she brings her hand to her mouth as tears well up in her eyes, and Logan's immediately in front of her, wrapping his arms around her.

"I know," he says again. "I can't believe it either."

Veronica snakes her arms around his back, hugging him tight as she buries her face in his chest, and Logan's large hand comes up to cradle the back of her head. She stands like that, finding comfort in his warm, solid embrace, for several long moments, until Logan lets out a soft chuckle.

"What?" she mumbles into his shirt.

"I think you just lost that cussing bet with your father."

* * *

**Notes:**

Normally I don't start posting a new fic before I've gotten a decent amount of it written… however, I got the idea for this one a few days ago and I wanted to at least get this first chapter posted now for the Lilly Lives collection on AO3. Can't guarantee how often it will be updated though!

Update 25th August: I tried, but I just can't write Pony as a boy, so I've changed her back to a girl again :).


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **While I was writing this chapter, I realised that I'm really not comfortable with writing Pony as a boy, so I went back and edited chapter 1 (and added an author's note), and so from now on, Pony is back to being a girl :).

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Lilly slowly pries her eyes open, then immediately shuts them again in response to the blinding sunlight pouring in through the large windows. She winces, rolling her neck and shoulders, trying to ease the discomfort from sleeping in an awkward position on this god-awful ugly couch all night.

_I_ _mean, seriously, burnt orange? Bet that colour was Logan's idea. He was always wearing those gross shades of orange in high school._

After a few moments of preparing for a second encounter with the bright sunlight, she runs a hand through her hair and forces her eyes open again, only to come face-to-face with a massive dog, sitting less than a foot away and staring at her inquisitively.

"Eww," she exclaims, when the dog attempts to lick her face. She scrambles up on the couch. "Gross!"

"Pony, stop that. Come here, girl," commands a stern male voice.

Surprised, Lilly turns her head towards the kitchen, looking over the back of the couch to find a shirtless Logan standing behind the counter, frowning disapprovingly at the dog. Her eyes widen as her gaze involuntarily travels down over the large expanse of defined muscles on display.

_Wow! When did all _that_ happen?_

Sure, Logan had a nice body when they'd dated, but he was only a kid then, just fifteen… and as a teenager, his idea of a good workout was either surfing with his friends or having energetic sex with her. Now though? He must work out like crazy, because holy fuck, he looks like a Greek god.

She barely registers the pit-pattering of paws across the wooden floor because her gaze is still fixed on half-naked, sweatpants-clad Logan as he rounds the kitchen counter and crouches down to pet the dog.

"Her name's Pony?" she murmurs in question, finally realising she's staring and snapping herself out of it.

Logan smirks, ruffling the dog's fur. "Yeah… Veronica's idea. She always wanted a Pony, but this one here was the best we could do."

"Right…"

Veronica. And Logan. A couple. That little fact is one she's still trying to get her head around. As weird as it seems, though, it also makes a strange kind of sense. She still remembers that last Homecoming night in the limo when she got Logan to admit he thought Veronica was hot when they first met. And while Veronica would never admit it, Lilly had always suspected she might have had feelings him at one point, too.

Logan looks over at her as he stands and moves over to the coffee machine, while the dog settles down in her bed. Gives her a small smile. "You want coffee?"

"Sure."

She nods, suddenly acutely aware that she's back in Neptune after all these years; that it's now a thirty-two-year-old Logan Echolls standing across the room from her and not a fifteen-year-old one. It's surreal.

"So, um… how've you been?" she asks hesitantly.

He raises an incredulous eyebrow. "Seventeen-plus years, and that's all you got?"

"What do you want me to say, Logan?" She sighs. "This is weird for me, too."

"Right. Yeah." He shakes his head in disbelief. "How about you start with what the hell happened the day you supposedly died?"

"I, uh…" She shifts on the sofa, trying to decide where best to begin.

She doesn't get the chance to start though, because Veronica chooses that moment to shuffle into the kitchen, clad in a camisole and shorts, her hair a mess as she rubs sleep from her eyes.

"Mornin'" She sidles up to Logan, her hand coming to rest on his lower back as she rises up to give him a quick kiss.

"Hey, you," he replies with an affectionate smile, kissing her again.

Lilly looks down for a moment, twisting her hands in her lap, feeling like she's intruding on a private moment.

_Fuck, this is so weird_, she thinks. _But what did you expect, huh? You've been gone almost two decades. Life has moved on without you._

When she lifts her head, her eyes widen at the sight of Veronica kissing Logan more deeply, her hand sliding down to squeeze his ass.

_Ooh, my sweet, virginal, butter-wouldn't-melt, best friend is all grown up._

She has to smile when Logan smirks against Veronica's mouth and mutters, "We have company."

Veronica immediately jumps back, removing her hand from his ass as her head whips in Lilly's direction.

"Of course." Her voice cracks slightly as she tries to compose herself. She looks uncomfortable as she pastes a smile on her face. "Hey, Lilly."

"Veronica," she returns.

"Sleep well?" Veronica asks her, as Logan grabs some mugs and fixes three cups of coffee.

"I guess 'well' is a relative term." She shrugs. "But, yeah, I slept. Thank you, for letting me stay."

Veronica grabs one of the mugs and takes a sip, as Logan carries the other two across the room and hands one to Lilly.

"Thanks." She takes it from him gratefully.

Logan just nods, sharing a look with Veronica, some unspoken conversation passing between them as she takes a seat at the other end of the couch from Lilly. Logan places his mug down beside the TV and slides open the balcony door, retrieving one of the chairs from outside. He pulls it into the living room and takes a seat in front of Lilly on the couch, leaning forward as he rests his elbows on his knees.

"Okay, Lilly," he says, pressing his hands together and tilting his head slightly to look up at her. "Explain. What are you doing back in Neptune?"

The look in his eyes tells her he's not joking around. It's the same serious look he used to get right before he told her he loved her back when they were kids. The sight of it makes her stomach drop, and not in a good way.

"I, uh… I can't really say."

"You said you were gonna tell us everything," Veronica cuts in, her tone flat. "So, spill."

Lilly frowns at her once-best friend's uncharacteristically sharp response, before looking down at the mug in her hands.

"Lilly?" Logan's voice is softer now, almost concerned. "What's going on? You can talk to us."

She glances up at him, surprised by his gentle tone and caring expression, then looks back to Veronica again, only to find her barely suppressing an eye-roll at Logan. W_hat's that all about?_

"Okay, so I didn't exactly tell you the truth," she confesses. "It isn't over, and it's not exactly safe for me to be here. I kind of snuck back without telling anyone."

"Shit, Lilly…" Veronica looks both dismayed and annoyed. "Why would you do that? You know how dangerous it is for people in WITSEC to return to their old locations?"

"I'm well aware of how dangerous it is, Veronica," Lilly shoots back, trying not to let her frustration with that fact show. She's spent seventeen years wishing she could come home, only to be told over and over that it's too dangerous. "You seem to be rather knowledgeable on the subject though."

Veronica shrugs. "I did an internship with the FBI in college. I learned stuff."

Before Lilly has a chance to react to that—Veronica Mars in the FBI?—Logan speaks up again.

"If it's so dangerous, why _are_ you back?" he asks. "Why risk it?"

She sighs heavily. That's the big question, isn't it?

"My dad is sick. Like _really_ sick. As in, he only has a couple months left. I needed to see him, before—" She stops, cursing the lump that's suddenly appeared in her throat. "Well, you know."

"God, Lilly…" Veronica leans forward, hesitating for a moment, before resting her hand on Lilly's arm, her previously hard expression now filled with compassion. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks." She gives her a grateful smile.

"Jake Kane is sick?" Logan says, looking confused. "But isn't he supposed to be opening a new high school in a couple weeks?"

"He said he wanted to leave something as his legacy," Lilly says. "Or something."

"Wait, your parents know you're alive?" Veronica seems surprised.

"Yeah." Lilly nods. "They found out a couple of years after the FBI faked my death, but we don't talk much. It's too risky."

"Speaking of faking your death, how exactly did that happen?" Veronica demands to know. "Because I saw your body. You were _dead_, Lilly."

"Well, not really." She gives a sheepish shrug. "You know the Feds...they injected me with something to lower my vital signs, make me seem dead until they could whisk me away to safety. Well, that's what they said. I don't actually know how it worked." She gives a huff, clicking her tongue. "God, Veronica Mars, do I look like a chemist?"

Veronica looks a little bemused by that, though Logan just nods in understanding.

He's Navy now, right? Intelligence? Maybe they do that kind of thing a lot in his line of work.

"You still haven't told us what happened," says Logan, then. "What you saw that put your life in danger."

"I kinda can't talk about that," she admits. "I'm still a witness in an ongoing investigation. I've been sworn to secrecy."

"Right… of course." He looks a little annoyed. "But here's what I don't get: if your dad is sick, and your parents know you're alive, and you've snuck back home even though it's dangerous, why are you _here_ at our apartment and not with them? Why risk revealing yourself to us?"

A knot begins to form in her stomach, and she brings her fingertips to her mouth, nibbling on her nails—a bad habit she picked up not long after she was unceremoniously whisked away from Neptune and placed with a new family in the middle of nowhere.

"Um, the thing is… I need to lay low first, make sure it's safe to see them… and Veronica, I know it's been a long time, but you were my best friend. I've always known I could trust you with my life," she tells her seriously. "I mean, you were the one person I could tell all my secrets to."

"Not _all_ your secrets," mutters Logan.

"What?" Lilly tears her eyes from Veronica, shooting him a questioning frown.

"Logan, don't." Veronica says, shaking her head.

"Don't what?" asks Lilly, looking between them, bewildered.

"If you hadn't died…disappeared… whatever… were you ever gonna tell either of us about Weevil?" Logan asks tightly. "Or, you know, that you were fucking my father?"

Lilly's stomach drops, her eyes widening in realisation as she turns to face Logan guiltily. "Shit. Logan, I'm—"

"You're what? Sorry?" he spits out, hands curling into fists, his jaw clenching in anger. "Don't pretend you didn't know what kind of man he was. How could you do it, Lilly?"

"Logan. Stop." Veronica shifts on the couch, leaning forward to cover his hands with one of hers. "Remember what Jane said."

"Uh, sorry, I don't—" Lilly starts, trying to decipher what she's missing here.

"Lils, not now, okay?" Veronica shakes her head at her. "It's early, and we're still in shock that you're actually alive. We can discuss the finer details later."

Lilly glances at Logan, who relaxes under Veronica's touch and straightens up, and then nods. "Sure. Okay."

"So, how about we just stick to what happened on October 3rd, huh?" says Veronica. "Because I'm still confused. If Aaron didn't kill you, what happened?"

"Okay. Well, some of the prosecution's story in the trial was true," she starts, and when both Logan and Veronica look at her in surprise, she adds, "The FBI kept me informed as much as they could. I did take the tapes and Aaron came after me; we fought by the pool, and he hit me with the ashtray. It hurt like hell, but it didn't kill me. I just played dead until Aaron was gone."

She sighs, running a hand through her hair.

"The FBI were keeping tabs on me," she continues. "They intervened, made sure I was okay and explained what was gonna happen. Then they injected me with whatever that stuff was that made me appear dead until they could extract me. Duncan found my 'body' a few minutes later, and I guess you know the rest."

"You realise how farfetched this sounds, right?" Veronica looks sceptical as she exchanges a glance with Logan.

"Believe me, I know," she says. "Hell, I didn't buy it at first either, but then I found myself with a new identity and living with a 'foster family' in the middle of nowhere… I mean, I wasn't really their foster kid, that was just a cover… but well, shit got real, fast."

"Where were you?" Logan asks. "Where did they send you?"

"Sorry… I can't tell you that either," Lilly says regretfully. "Look, the less you both know, the better. I don't want to put anyone else in danger."

"Yeah." Veronica nods. "Right."

Lilly's stomach chooses that moment to rumble, and she gives an embarrassed wince. "Wow, I guess I forgot to eat yesterday."

"In that case, I should fix some breakfast," announces Logan, standing up. "How do omelettes sound?"

"Great, actually." Lilly smiles up at him. "Thanks."

"Sure." He nods. "While I'm fixing them, why don't you go take a shower, get dressed, whatever you need to do?"

"Okay, yeah, I think I will." She gives Veronica a quick smile, before sliding off the sofa and grabbing her bag, carrying it across the tiny apartment to the bathroom. She closes the door behind her and exhales slowly, letting her head fall back against it. "Well, okay, then."

* * *

Still on the sofa, Veronica finishes her coffee as she watches Logan move around their small kitchen, pulling out eggs, cheese, spinach and tomatoes from the fridge.

"So, this weird, huh?" she says eventually.

"Got that right," he mutters, rummaging in the cupboard for a pan.

"You realise if she's actually snuck back to Neptune, she's gonna want to stay here longer than just one night?"

Logan places the pan on the stove, then rests his hands on the counter as he looks over at her seriously. "Yeah. I know."

Veronica eases herself off the couch and carries her mug over to the sink, before stepping up behind him, slipping her arms around his waist and pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade.

"She can't keep sleeping on the couch," she murmurs against his skin. "It's hella uncomfortable."

"I know she can't," he agrees, starting to chop the tomatoes. "Your dad still has that fold-out cot bed, right?"

"He does," she says, kissing the same spot again before moving to his side and leaning against the counter, "but getting it could be tricky if I can't tell him why I need it."

"We might not have a choice," he says. "Your dad drops by unannounced all the time… if Lilly's gonna be sleeping right over there"—he nods across the room—"her visit's not gonna stay secret for long."

"You're right, it won't." She nods. "Okay, we'll talk to her. Explain the situation, see what she says."

His lips twitch in amusement. "Not like we can just shove her in the bedroom whenever someone comes over."

An image of doing just that flits through her mind and she gives a soft laugh. "Yeah, I can see _that_ going down well."

His smirk turns into a grin when he glances at her, and she grins back, glad some of the playfulness between them has returned after the awkwardness of the last couple of days.

"Hey," she murmurs softly, moving closer, running a finger along his forearm.

"What?" he asks, still smiling.

"I love you."

He puts down the knife and turning to face her, his expression soft. "I love you, too."

"I'm sorry about the other night—"

"Not now, okay?" He shakes his head, lowering his mouth to hers for a kiss.

She wants to protest, to finish what she was trying to say, but his lips are warm and inviting and as his arms come around her, holding her close, and he angles his lower body against hers, she melts against him instead.

Okay, so things aren't perfect between them right now, and there's still the whole rejected proposal incident hanging over them, but he was gone for six whole weeks, and she's only had him back for two days, and she just needs to be close to him right now.

* * *

When Lilly has emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered and dressed, and Veronica is taking her turn, Logan gestures her towards one of the stools at the kitchen counter as he serves up two cheese, spinach and tomato omelettes and two glasses of orange juice. Lilly takes a bite, groaning in pleasure and shooting him a grin as he takes a seat beside her.

"Good?" He smiles back.

"Uh huh," she manages through the mouthful of food. Swallowing, she adds, "I'm not sure if I'm more surprised that you can make food that tastes this good, or that you can even cook at all. I thought for sure you'd be living in some big mansion, with a maid, a cook, a gardener…. all that shit."

"Yeah, well… joining the Navy and living in cramped quarters on aircraft carriers for months at a time kinda puts things into perspective." He shrugs. "Besides, Veronica can't afford anything fancy and I don't like to use Aaron's money if I don't have to."

"I guess I can understand that." Lilly nods. She takes another bite of omelette, before asking, "So, the Navy, huh? I can't say I ever imagined _you_ in the Navy." She tilts her head in thought. "Well, apart from in those Fleet Week fantasies I had about you back in high school…man, they were hot."

Logan wrinkles his nose. "Lils."

"What? They were." She shoots him a grin and a wink. "Even back then, you were great in bed. And, I mean… look at you _now_…" She reaches out to squeeze his bicep. "Just, wow."

Logan shifts uncomfortably under her touch, glancing toward the bathroom. "Lilly… come on."

"Oh, geez, Echolls. Relax." Lilly rolls her eyes, removing her hand. "I'm not coming onto you."

"You're not?" He raises a sceptical eyebrow, reaching for his juice and taking a long gulp.

"No. God!" She huffs out, looking offended. "I wouldn't do that to you… _or_ Veronica. Besides, I'm happily married."

Logan almost chokes on the orange juice. "You're _what_?"

She shrugs, taking a sip from her glass. "I'm married. His name's Josh."

Logan blinks, his mouth opening and closing like a fish, before he stills, frowning. "Wait, you're serious."

"I am." She nods. "I'll show you."

She pulls her phone from her pocket and scrolls through the photos, holding the screen up for him to see. It's a wedding photo, Lilly in a white dress with flowers in her hair, her arms wrapped around a tall, dark-haired man with a chiselled jawline. They're both smiling widely at the camera, their foreheads touching. They look blissfully happy.

"Wow…" The words come out in a rush of air as he takes the phone from her and studies the photo. "You really are."

"Yep." She slips off the stool, coming to stand beside him as she smiles fondly at the photo. "Three years last month."

Logan frowns then, glancing down at her hands. "But you're not wearing a ring."

"No, I took my rings off before I left. Josh is keeping them safe for me while I'm gone."

"Does he know?" he questions. "About your past, who you really are?"

"No, I can't tell him," she says. "And it sucks that I have to lie to the man I love, but that's my life now. It's not safe for him to know the truth."

"I'm sorry."

As Logan hands the phone back to her, his thumb brushes the screen and the wedding photo is replaced by one of a young child—a toddler—with wide brown eyes and a shock of chestnut hair.

"Who's that?" he asks as Lilly grabs the phone back from him.

"Oh, uh, that's my son. Caden. He's twenty-seven months." She gives a sigh, holding out the phone again so he can see the photo properly.

"He's gorgeous," he murmurs, feeling a weird tightening in his chest. She has a _son_. Just like Wallace has a son. It's what people their age do: they grow up, get married, have kids. He forces a smile. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." She shrugs, looking a little sheepish as she says, "He was a honeymoon baby."

"Wow," Logan says again.

_Lilly Kane, of all people, has a husband, and a kid. This really is an alternate universe._

"What?" She looks a little put-out by his reaction.

"Nothing. It's just… even when you were, you know, _alive_, I never even imagined you as a wife, or a mother."

"Yeah, well, I'm not the same person I was back then." She bristles. "When I was sixteen, my life changed in an instant, and I had to grow up fast."

"I'm getting that."

"And you really don't have to worry, Logan," she assures him. "I'm not here to come between you and Veronica."

"Well, that's good to hear." He forces a smile, then shovels a forkful of omelette into his mouth as a distraction.

"But anyway, you were telling me about joining the Navy…"

"I was." He nods, swallowing. "Well, a lot of stuff happened after you… uh, died. Too much to explain right now… but the condensed version is that I kinda spiralled in college—I was probably one O.D. away from becoming a Hollywood cliché—but, I had a wake-up call. Ended up in rehab, enrolled back in school. One of my professors pulled some strings, got me into Officer Candidate School after I graduated. Twelve weeks of initial training in Rhode Island, and two years of flight school in Florida and Texas and I got my wings. A few months after that, I was flying fighter jets over Afghanistan."

"Wow, that's impressive." Lilly raises her eyebrows and starts to fan herself. "So, you're basically a Top Gun pilot? I mean… that's like…_total swoon_!"

"If you say so." He smirks.

"Oh, it totally is," she assures him. "But you're not a pilot anymore? You're in intelligence now?"

"Yeah, Navy pilots have an eight-year mandatory commitment to flying once they get their wings," he explains. "My eight years were up a few months ago, and I was given the opportunity to go into intelligence instead."

"Really? And that's more interesting than flying F-14 Tomcats? 'Cause if I was a badass fighter pilot, I wouldn't give it up for the world."

He chuckles. "_Maverick_ flew Tomcats. I fly—well, _flew_—F/A-18 Super Hornets. And, yeah, it was fucking badass... but I, uh, I have my reasons for stopping."

She nods, as if realising it's a touchy subject. "And what about Veronica? What was she up to while you were off being Mr. Top Gun?"

Logan's eyebrows rise in surprise. "Wait, you really don't know anything about our lives since you left?"

"No, nothing." She shakes her head, giving an exaggerated eye-roll. "They wouldn't even let me Google anyone from Neptune, let alone find out any information about you. Said it was too dangerous, that it might tip the wrong people off."

"Right. Yeah, of course." _And I thought _my_ life was secretive. _"Well, Veronica went to Stanford—"

"Really?" Lilly interrupts, her eyes lighting up. "Just like she always wanted."

"Yep." Logan nods. "She majored in Psychology, then attended Columbia Law."

"Wait, Veronica's a _lawyer_?" Lilly's mouth drops open.

"No, actually, she's a Private Investigator," Logan informs her. "She and Keith run Mars Investigations here in Neptune."

"Right, Keith Mars became a P.I.," she says, before adding in explanation, "My parents told me. So, uh, how long have you two been together?"

"Well, this time around, just over five years. Got together in early 2016, just before I left for a six-month deployment. We moved in together not long after I got back."

"Five years? Wow." Lilly lets out a low whistle, before frowning. "Wait, _this_ time?"

"We dated for a while Junior year at Neptune and again at Hearst."

She looks really confused now. "Hearst? I thought Veronica went to Stanford?"

"It's complicated," he says in explanation. "We started at Hearst together, but Veronica left for Stanford after freshman year and I stayed here in Neptune."

"Oh. How come?"

Logan sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, Lils, a ton of shit has happened in the last seventeen years, too much to explain or get into right now, so can we just, like, put a pin in it for now?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah, we can do that," she says quickly. "Sorry."

"Thanks."

The bathroom door opens then and Veronica calls out a 'shower's free' as she disappears into the bedroom and closes the door behind her.

"Guess that's my cue." He stands, gesturing toward the bathroom. "If there's any hot water left. Veronica should be back out soon, but feel free to make yourself at home."

He heads down the hall and showers quickly—mostly because, as he suspected, the water is only lukewarm—then wraps a towel around his waist and makes his way to the bedroom. The door is still closed and he enters the room to find Veronica, fully dressed with her hair blow-dried and styled nicely—something she hasn't bothered to do in a while— sitting cross-legged on the bed, phone in hand, her brow furrowed in concentration.

Logan can't help but smirk as he realises what she's doing. "Are you hiding out in here?"

"No," she mutters, not looking up from her phone. "Course not."

He takes the couple of steps needed to reach the bed and leans down, resting his knuckles on the mattress beside her knees.

"Yes, you are," he says softly. "Don't deny it. I know you."

She sighs, lowering the phone and looking up at him. "All right, yes, I'm hiding out."

He kisses the tip of her nose, then shifts, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "Okay, but why?"

She purses her lips, tilting her head to the side as she admits, "I don't know what to say to her, Logan. She's practically a stranger."

"She's still Lilly," he assures her. "Just… grown up. Different. She's been through a lot, but really, who here hasn't?"

"Yeah." She gives a snort.

"Just go out there. Make small talk. You'll be fine."

He gives her a quick kiss, then slides off the bed, dropping the towel on the mattress as he crosses to his dresser and digs out a pair of boxers.

"Actually, I think I'll stay in here with you for a bit." Her voice is soft, appreciative and he glances back at her to find her eyes glued to his bare ass.

"Really?" He chuckles, pulling the boxers on. "Can't imagine why."

"It's not like it takes you that long to get ready," she reasons. "I'm sure Lilly can wait a couple more minutes."

Logan grabs a shirt, then turns to face her, noting the glazed, hungry look in her eyes. "You keep looking at me like that and it'll be a lot longer than a couple minutes."

"Sorry." She averts her eyes, looks down at her phone again, though he can see a smile playing on her lips.

With an affectionate shake of his head, he tugs the shirt over his head and then pulls on a pair of jeans. Grabbing the towel again, he rubs it over his head a few times, then splashes on some cologne, and turns back to face Veronica again. She's engrossed with something on the small screen in front of her, speedily typing away on it, and he takes a moment to watch her.

He can't say it didn't hurt that she turned down his proposal before he even had a chance to ask, but it wasn't exactly unexpected. In fact, he'd fully prepared himself for a 'no', knowing it wouldn't be that easy, but he'd hoped she would at least give him not only the opportunity to actually pop the question, but also the chance to explain _why_ he was asking. What he didn't expect was for her to panic and run from him as fast as she could, without even looking back.

As soon as he saw that look on her face—the one of dread and horror that he was actually proposing—he knew he'd made a mistake. His heart sank immediately, and in that moment, as she was telling him to stop, he wished he could take it back. Wished he'd never retrieved the ring from its secret hiding place in their storage locker on his way back from the base. Wished he'd never even entertained the idea that she might actually consider it.

Because even though he's done his best to put it to the back of his mind, to pretend it never happened and carry on as normal, something's changed between them. It's subtle, and he can't put his finger on what exactly it is, but it's there all the same, and it's only going to be a matter of time before they can't ignore it anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

When Veronica finally emerges from the bedroom, Logan following just behind, Lilly looks up from flipping through the TV channels with a raised eyebrow, scrunching her nose as she says, "Okay, please tell me you two weren't just getting down and dirty in there."

"Please." Veronica makes a show of rolling her eyes. "Like we'd do that when you're here."

Behind her, Logan gives a soft snort and Veronica can barely contain her smirk as she remembers doing exactly that when Mac stayed on the couch for a couple nights last year while her apartment was being fumigated.

"Besides, if we were, we'd have been in there a lot longer than"—she checks her watch—"ten minutes."

"Of course." A grin spreads across Lilly's lips and she bobs her eyebrows suggestively. "I remember."

Veronica flushes then, the thought that both she and Lilly know Logan intimately flitting through her mind. She's always known it, of course, but it hasn't seemed quite so _real_ until right now.

"Standing right here, guys," mutters Logan, his fingers brushing against Veronica's lower back as he rests one elbow on the kitchen counter and leans into it.

"And don't you look _super fine_ doing it," comments Lilly airily, quirking an eyebrow at Veronica before blowing a kiss in Logan's direction.

Logan grins back at Lilly in response, his features relaxing, and Veronica can't help the rush of jealousy that rises up in her chest. She quickly fights to clamp down on it. Logan would never cheat on her… if there's one thing she's certain of, it's that. On the other hand, this is _Lilly Kane_, his first love, miraculously back from the dead after almost two decades.

_This here is what they call 'uncharted territory'._

"Okay," she says, trying to keep her tone light, "if you two can please stop flirting, we have some things to discuss."

At that, Logan straightens, his arm slipping from the counter, while Lilly coughs and looks away.

Veronica chooses to ignore whatever that was for the moment, as she continues, "Lilly, we need to talk about what happens next; what your plans are now you're here."

Lilly looks up at her with a frown, but then her expression clears and she gives a smile. "Veronica Mars, are you saying I've outstayed my welcome already?"

"She's not saying that," Logan cuts in quickly. "But we don't have much room and if you're gonna be staying in town a while, we gotta figure something out. You can't keep sleeping on the couch."

Lilly gives sheepish shrug. "Yeah, so, uh, when I was planning this, I kinda didn't think much past 'gotta get to Veronica's before anyone sees me'."

"Right." Veronica murmurs with a sigh. "Of course you didn't. But, Lilly, my dad comes by here all the time, and if you don't want anyone to know you're here, maybe this isn't the best place to stay."

Lilly stands, throwing her hands up as she huffs out, "Well, where do you expect me to go, Veronica? Crashing with either of my parents, or hell, even going to a hotel, would draw too much attention."

"But staying here won't?" Veronica counters, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's Spring Break, and we live right on the beach."

Standing on either side of the couch, they stare each other down for a moment, until Logan steps in.

"Okay, here's a potentially out-there suggestion, but what about Wallace?"

Veronica frowns, turning to look at him. "What _about_ Wallace?"

"Well, maybe Lilly could stay with him and Shae?" he suggests, directing his gaze towards Lilly. "They have no connection to you, or Jake and Celeste, and they have a ton of room. We could say you're a friend from college or something."

"I don't know if that would work," Veronica says dubiously, though she has to admit it's not a bad idea. "It might be too risky to involve him."

"Who's Wallace?" Lilly asks curiously.

"He's my best friend," Veronica informs her, not missing the uncomfortable look that crosses Lilly's face. "Since Junior year of high school. He's completely trustworthy."

"But?" Lilly questions then, apparently reading between the lines to see Veronica's hesitance.

"But, I'm not sure what we would tell him," she admits. "Would it even be safe for him to know who you really are? Then again, he did see photos of you back then and he knows about the case. He might recognise you anyway."

"We have dinner at their place tonight," reminds Logan. "And if they don't mind feeding one more, like I said, we could introduce Lilly as a college friend of yours, and see how it goes. After all, he's only ever seen pictures from more than seventeen years ago, and she does look kinda different now."

"Yeah, I mean, there's the hair," Lilly agrees, running her fingers through her short, brown locks, "and I have brown contacts I can wear too, and glasses."

"I feel like the name will give it away, though," says Veronica. "I mean, if we show up with a friend named Lilly, that's gonna look suspicious."

"Actually… I don't go by Lilly anymore," Lilly admits. "When I 'died', I was given a new name. I'm Lucy Miller now."

"Oh." Veronica blinks, surprised. She glances at Logan, who is wearing a similar expression. "Okay. So, are we supposed to call you Lucy now?"

Lilly shrugs. "Well, Lucy is best, but I don't mind Lilly when we're alone. You can't slip up and call me that around anyone else, though, okay?"

"We won't," Logan assures her. "We're used to it; we've both gone undercover before."

Lilly's brow furrows for a moment as if she's trying to work that one out, but then her expression clears.

"Okay, then." She smiles, clasping her hands together in front of her chest. "So, what's on the agenda for today?"

"Well, I have somewhere to be right now," says Logan, crossing to the door and pulling on his shoes, "so I'm gonna have to bail."

"You do?" Veronica turns to look at him in surprise. "Since when?"

"Sorry, thought I told you," he says apologetically, grabbing his jacket. "Dick wants to catch up. I promised him a round of golf and an afternoon of Fortnite."

He steps forward and gives her a quick kiss on the lips.

"I'll see you later, okay?"

"Sure," mutters Veronica as he nods to Lilly, then slips out the door. "Later."

_Thanks, Logan. Just leave me to deal with Lilly on my own._

She turns back to Lilly. "Guess it's you and me then."

"Yeah." Lilly agrees, looking contemplative for a moment before a small, speculative grin tugs at her lips. "Okay, Veronica, I need to know _all_ the details. I mean, you and Logan? You gotta spill."

Veronica starts shaking her head. "Lilly, it's kinda—"

"A long story?" Lilly cuts in. "Yeah, Logan filled me in. You were on and off at Neptune and Hearst, then reconnected five years ago. But I'm not talking the whole fifteen-plus years, I just want the juicy gossip."

"What do you mean, _juicy_ gossip?" asks Veronica warily, even as she giving a surrendering sigh and rounds the sofa, sinking down into the cushions at one end.

Lilly follows a second later, curling her feet under her at the other end, facing her, an indulgent smile on her face. "Hmm, juicy gossip like… well, the sex is awesome, right? Oh my God, does he still do that thing with his tongue where—?"

"Shit, Lilly, stop!" Veronica exclaims quickly, holding a hand up. "I can't talk about that with you."

"Why not?" Lilly shrugs. "Come on, indulge me, Veronica… _please_? It's been too many years since we've been able to engage in girl talk."

Veronica studies her for a moment, then finally relents at the pleading expression in her old friend's eyes—it's an expression that takes her right back to when she was fifteen and she and Lilly would have sleepovers and spend all night gossiping about boys and make-up.

"Yes, the sex is awesome," she concedes, finally relaxing and allowing a devilish smile to spread across her lips as she adds, "But you'll have to clarify _which_ tongue thing, because there are several possibilities."

"Veronica Mars!" Lilly gasps with delight. "I knew there was a bad girl buried deep in there somewhere."

"Lilly, for God's sake, we're in our thirties now." Veronica shakes her head in exasperation. "It shouldn't be a surprise to you that I have a sex life."

"Yeah, but we're talking about a sex life with Logan Echolls." Lilly leans forward conspiratorially. "I mean, he was great in bed in high school, but if his bedroom skills have blossomed like his body has? All I can say is, I'm so jealous I missed out on _that_."

That comment raises Veronica's hackles and she frowns. "Uh, Lilly… I don't… I mean, you're not still—?"

"Oh." Lilly's eyes widen in realisation and she shakes her head emphatically. "God, no, Veronica! Of course not. I'm fully taken."

Veronica exhales. "Well, that's a relief."

"Yeah, definitely not after Logan. Don't you worry," Lilly assures her, before flashing a wicked smile. "Doesn't mean I can't appreciate the fine specimen he's become though."

"He is pretty fine, huh?" she agrees, before Lilly's earlier words since in. "Wait, what do you mean, you're fully taken?"

"Well, I already have my own fine specimen at home."

"You do?" Veronica is sceptical.

"Uh huh. His name's Josh." She grabs her phone, showing Veronica the home screen, which has a photo of a very handsome, dark-haired man. "Josh Miller."

"Miller?" she questions. "As in _Lucy_ Miller?"

"Yep." Lilly grins, looking a little smug. "We just celebrated our third anniversary."

"You're married…?" Veronica murmurs weakly, her heart starting to pound anxiously.

Lilly is _married_? _Lilly_ _Kane_? The girl who swore she was destined to play the field forever and that she never saw herself settling down with just one guy? She's struggling to get her head around it.

"I am." She nods, then frowns, looking at Veronica with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Veronica forces a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Congratulations."

"Thank you." Lilly puts the phone down. "But speaking of, you and Logan have been together five years… any sign of wedding bells on the horizon?"

"Oh, uh…" Veronica freezes and blood drain from her face as she struggles to form a response. "I—I mean…Fuck."

"Hey, what's wrong?" Lilly shifts forward on the sofa, resting her hand on Veronica's arm in concern.

Carefully shifting so Lilly's hand drops from her arm, Veronica steels herself.

"Well, Logan got back from deployment two days ago," she starts, "and for the first few hours, everything was great… but then I found this ring in his bag, and suddenly he was down on one knee and—"

"Logan proposed?" Lilly gasps, cutting her off. "Oh, wow, Veronica… that's awesome! Congratulations."

"Oh. Uh, no. It's not—" she says quickly. "I said no."

"You, what?!" Lilly's eyes widen in shock. "Why?"

"Because I'm never getting married," she says with a shrug. "And Logan knows that. I thought we were on the same page, but—"

"You don't wanna get married?" Lilly cuts in. "Since when?"

"Since forever."

"That can't be right," Lilly says, brow furrowed. "We used to spend hours planning our weddings. Remember that engagement scrapbook you made freshman year?"

"Things change, Lilly," Veronica says. "_I_ changed. I've spent half my life tailing cheating spouses, taking compromising photos of them and watching them break up. Doesn't exactly instil one with confidence in the institution of marriage."

"Oh, Veronica…" Lilly looks dismayed. "You know marriage doesn't _have_ to be doomed, right? It can be this awesome, incredible experience, where you get to spend your life with the one person you love more than anything. The one person who really gets you, who makes you feel whole."

"Okay, yeah, maybe it would be good at first," Veronica tries to explain her reasoning, "but inevitably things will go wrong; they always do. Being married just makes the inevitable break-up so much more complicated. Not to mention there's the added pressure of being bound to each other forever. No, thank you. Our relationship works great the way it is, in fact, it's pretty much perfect, so why ruin a good thing?"

Lilly frowns. "Okay, but if things are perfect right now, why does Logan want to change that by getting married?"

_Yes, why, indeed? _Veronica thinks, before giving a shrug_._

"Who knows? It's weird; he's barely even reacted to me turning him down." That fact hurts more than she'd like to admit. "You know, I bet he only asked to get the upper hand, so he can play the 'I love you more' card."

"Why would he do _that_?" Lilly questions, still looking confused. "Doesn't sound like the Logan I know."

"Yeah, well, you don't know him anymore, do you?" Veronica retorts in annoyance, anger and frustration starting to build inside her now. "You haven't _known_ Logan for over seventeen years. Or me, for that matter."

"What do you mean by that?" Lilly's tone is slightly defensive, obviously realising something has shifted between them.

Veronica scoffs, shaking her head and glancing toward the ceiling. "Lilly, you can't just waltz back into town and expect everything to be the same. A ton of shit went down after you died. Things happened to me _because_ you died."

Lilly sits up straighter, looking serious as she asks, "What kind of things?"

"What _kind_ of things?" Veronica repeats, almost incredulously. "Well, let's see, shall we?" She starts counting off on her fingers. "My mom split after my dad was run out of office, and without the steady income, we couldn't afford our house anymore. Then when Dad accused Jake of killing you, and I stuck by him, everyone at school turned on me. I became an outcast. No friends, no boyfriend, nothing."

"Veronica, God, I'm so sorry." Lilly moves to reach out to her, but pulls her hand back quickly when Veronica flinches. "I'm sorry you went through all of that."

"Oh, I'm just getting started," Veronica spits out. "Two months after you died, there was a party at Shelly Pomroy's. No one wanted me there, but I went anyway to show their taunts didn't affect me. It was a mistake. One I'll regret forever. I woke up in the pool house the next morning with no underwear and no memory of what had happened. I was drugged and raped that night."

"Shit." Lilly looks genuinely distressed, her face draining of colour as her hand comes up to cover her mouth. "Oh God. Veronica… I had no idea."

"Of course, you didn't. How could you?" Veronica shrugs, forcing herself to stay detached. "It happened. I moved on. Kept going to school; helped Dad set up the PI business. By the time Junior year started, I was juggling homework assignments with stakeouts at the Camelot Motel."

"I—" Lilly starts, but Veronica doesn't let her continue.

"Everything got fucked up after you died," she tells her, voice hard. "What happened back then changed me forever. I haven't been the Veronica you knew since that day."

Lilly stares at her for a moment, her mouth opening as if to speak, then closing abruptly a second later as her expression twists and she looks offended.

"You're implying it's _my_ fault your life got screwed up?_ I_ didn't even know what was gonna happen that day."

"Maybe not," Veronica shoots back. "But your actions led to it, right? Cheating on Logan with Weevil, Aaron and God knows who else, not to mention whatever it was you got caught up in that put you in WITSEC."

Lilly sighs, sliding off the couch and pacing the small space in front of it. After a few moments, she stops, her expression a mixture of hurt and remorse as she turns back to Veronica.

"I was _sixteen_, Veronica," she stresses, throwing her hands up. "I made some bad decisions, I know that. I was young and stupid, looking for a thrill, and I didn't think about the consequences." Her voice hardens then, her words dripping with sarcasm as she adds, "So, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that the complete destruction of _my_ entire life caused _you_ so much pain."

"Oh, don't you do that, Lilly." Veronica stands, going on the defensive. "Don't turn this back on me."

"Back on you?" Lilly scoffs. "You're not the one who lost everyone and everything in your life. I get that you've been through a lot, Veronica, but so have I. At least you still had your family, and your life here. I had no one."

They stare at each other for a moment, before Veronica finally relents in response to the sadness in Lilly's eyes.

She lets out a heavy breath, reluctantly conceding, "You're right, I did."

Lilly seems to relax a little, as she gives a hesitant smile. "Look, Veronica, I understand that you're hurt and angry, and I'm sorry me coming back here has caused problems for you. But you do know that neither of us are to blame for what happened to us, right? It totally sucked, but we got through it. We survived. And now here we are. Alive. Together again."

Veronica swallows at the heartfelt words, her jumbled emotions battling with each other. She _is _hurt and angry, because all the shit she's been through, all that pain and trauma and heartache, could have been avoided if only her best friend hadn't been so Goddamn reckless. But she's also relieved and overwhelmed, because Lilly is _alive_. She's standing right here in front of her, living and breathing and _real_.

How many times over the years has she wished she could have just one more moment with her best friend? How many times has she wished she'd known the truth about Aaron earlier and had been able to stop him before it was too late? There's nothing she can do to change the past, but now she has the chance of a future with Lilly Kane in it. Does she really want to pass that up?

"We are," she manages, her voice cracking slightly on the last word. She swallows around the lump in her throat, unused to letting herself be vulnerable around other people like this, before continuing hesitantly, "I'm sorry that I haven't been welcoming to you. This is all just a massive shock, you know?"

"I know." Lilly nods in understanding. "I'm sorry, too."

"I… uh." She struggles to find the right words. "I'm really glad you're not dead, Lilly."

Her ex-best friend gives a tiny, relieved smile. "I'm glad, too, Veronica."

Veronica watches, wide-eyed, as Lilly takes a tentative step towards her, then another, and before she can comprehend what's happening, she finds herself pulled into a tight hug. Her immediate reaction is to stiffen, to stand frozen in response, but then she catches the scent of Lilly's shampoo—the same one she started using freshman year—and she's thrown back in time, bombarded with memories. This really _is_ her best friend.

Almost of their own accord, her arms lift, tightening around Lilly's back as she returns the hug. Tears begin to well in her eyes and she squeezes them shut as she finally gives into everything she's been trying to bury since she laid eyes on Lilly Kane again.

They hug for several long moments, and as she lets her chin rest on Lilly's shoulder, Veronica feels something shift inside her. The wall that she's erected around her heart lately seems to crack just a little, and for a moment, she's back there again, back in sophomore year, young and carefree and happy, with her best friend by her side.

Sucking in a calming breath, she carefully extracts herself from her former best friend's arms, stepping back and running her hands over her face and through her hair. In turn, Lilly wipes at her eyes with the back of her fingers.

"Hey," Veronica says eventually, her voice a little shaky. "I need some air. What do you say to sneaking out of here? You can try out your disguise and we can head down the coast, stay off the beaten track."

"Yeah." Lilly nods. "Yeah, I'd like that."

* * *

"Dude, what is _up_ with you today?" Dick watches in bemusement as Logan takes a swing and hits the ball in completely the wrong direction. "I know golf ain't your specialty, but you're never _this_ bad."

Logan shoots his friend a glare. "Thanks a lot, dude."

Dick holds his hands up in surrender. "Not baggin' on you, man. Just makin' an observation."

"Well, don't," Logan snaps back irritably.

He thought getting out of the apartment for a while would help, give him some time to breathe, to process the events of the last forty-eight hours, away from Veronica and Lilly and everything. But it's not helping, because there's all this pent-up energy, all this anger and pain and frustration inside him, and turns out, playing golf is not a suitable outlet for it. He can't even tell Dick about Lilly, so he's just kind of screaming internally, while still pretending everything's fine on the outside.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, okay?" Dick looks taken-aback for a second, before his eyes narrow, seeming somewhat concerned. "Did something happen to you on deployment?"

Logan shakes his head, leaning on his golf club.

"Nah, man. Nothing like that." He's tempted to leave the subject there, but when Dick raises a questioning eyebrow, he gives a sigh. "It's Veronica."

His friend scoffs. "What'd everyone's favourite blonde do now?"

"She doesn't wanna marry me," Logan admits. "I asked her the night I got back. She gave an emphatic no and ran out the door."

Dick gives an amused snort, reaching out to clap Logan on the back. "Dude, I coulda told you she'd do that _before_ you forked out for a ring."

Logan glares at him. "Really not helping, Dick."

"Sorry, man." Dick actually looks apologetic. "She say why?"

Logan frowns, replaying that fateful moment in his head. She didn't actually, not really. Just muttered something about their parents, and marriage destroying people, and then she just bailed. It stung, fucking hurt, actually, but what could he do? Running after her wouldn't have helped anything.

"Not in so many words," he says eventually. "She couldn't get out of there fast enough."

"And when she got back?"

"I was exhausted," Logan admits. "Told her everything was fine and went to bed. She apologised in the morning, but that was it."

"And you let her get away with that?" Dick looks incredulous.

"What else was I supposed to do, Dick?" he retorts. "I can't force her to marry me if she doesn't want to."

Dick swings his driver back and forth absently. "You could have got her to talk to you. You know, explain why not."

"I didn't get a chance," he says. "She left for work, I had errands to run, and then last night, L—" He stops suddenly, Lilly's name on the tip of his tongue.

"Last night, what?"

"I was out with the guys from base until late," he covers quickly. "She was already asleep when I got home."

Dick just gives him a sceptical look, swatting Logan's chest with the back of his hand as he steps up to the tee. "You gotta talk to her, man. You know it's just gonna fester if you don't."

"Yeah, I know," Logan concedes, before frowning. "What the hell do you know about the inner workings of relationships anyway?"

Dick looks up at him from where he's lining up his shot, giving him a smirk. "I know I look dumb, but I do occasionally pay attention to shit."

"Really?" Logan raises an eyebrow.

"And maybe sometimes, I watch The View."

He can't stop the soft snort that escapes him at that. "If you say so."

* * *

Veronica leans back, supporting herself on her elbows as she tilts her head up to the sun, her legs stretched out on the blanket. Beside her, Lilly mimics her position, and Veronica glances over, peering at her friend through her sunglasses, to see a contented smile on her face. Sneaking out of the apartment was easy—with her dark hair and sunglasses, Lilly didn't draw any unwanted attention—and they'd managed to drive out of town and down the PCH to a secluded spot without anyone noticing them.

"God, I've missed this," Lilly murmurs. "The SoCal sun, the ocean…" She turns to Veronica. "You."

"I've missed you, too," Veronica confesses. "Lils, I… I never thought I'd see you again."

"Me either, Veronica." Lilly nods. "Me either."

"I had this dream about you once," she muses.

"Really?" Lilly sits up, lowering her sunglasses and bobbing her eyebrows suggestively. "Do tell."

"Not _that_ kind of dream." She rolls her eyes. "It was after we took down Aaron. My dad was in the hospital, and I'd crashed at home, and I dreamt about us. We were floating in your pool, happy and at peace, and I just wanted us to stay like that forever."

"I'm sorry," says Lilly sincerely. "I wish they could have."

"Yeah. I do, too."

"Look," she adds then, "I know I can't make up for what happened, for the last seventeen or so years, but I am here now."

"I know."

"I wanna know all about your life, Veronica. And I'm sure you want to know about mine… as much as I can tell you, anyway, and I don't know how long I can stay here, but hope you can allow us to get to know each other again."

"I can try, Lilly." Veronica gives a small smile. "I'll try."

* * *

When Lilly arrives back at the apartment with Veronica early evening, Logan is already there, dressed smartly in a navy Henley over a white t-shirt and dark, well-fitting jeans as he speaks on the phone, and Lilly can't stop her eyes drifting over him appreciatively. It's not that she's attracted to him anymore, it's more that she's still marvelling over all the changes in him. He seems so different now compared to the teenage Logan she knew all those years ago that she's having trouble reconciling the two.

"All right, thanks, man. See you soon," he says, hanging up the phone. He looks over to them with a small smile. "That was Wallace. He and Shae are happy for you to join us for dinner, Lilly, and you're welcome to stay with them too. They're expecting us in an hour."

"Oh. Okay." Lilly blinks. With all the emotional excitement of the day she'd forgotten about Logan's suggestion this morning. "Great."

* * *

An hour and twenty minutes later, Veronica pulls the car up in front of a large house in the 09 and turns to Lilly, who is sitting in the back.

"You ready?" she asks, one eyebrow raised in question.

Lilly smiles, adjusting the prescription-less, black-rimmed glasses on her nose and nodding. "As I'll ever be."

She's put in her brown contacts and styled her hair, and with the glasses as well, she's sure she looks almost unrecognisable from the blonde-haired, blue-eyed Lilly Kane she used to be. The Lilly Kane that this Wallace guy might possibly recognise her as being.

"All right," says Logan, opening the passenger side door. "Time to face the music."

They head up to the front door, and it opens to reveal a handsome African-American guy with a wide smile and kind, laughing eyes.

"'Bout time, guys. You get lost on the way?"

"Sorry, man." Logan claps the guy on the shoulder as he steps past him and into the house. He shoots Veronica and Lilly a playful smirk. "You know what women are like."

"Excuse me?" Veronica scoffs. "Who made us late the last _three_ times we came here?"

"Semantics," Logan dismisses, looking past Wallace and into the house. "Now, Wallace, where's my favourite godson?"

_Godson? _Lilly shoots Veronica a questioning glance, but she ignores it, instead turning to Wallace.

"Wallace, this is Lucy Miller, a friend of mine from Stanford," she introduces, as Logan disappears inside. "She's visiting Neptune for a few days. Lucy, meet Wallace Fennel, my best friend."

"Nice to meet you, Lucy." Wallace steps forward offering her his hand. "Welcome to our humble abode."

Lilly shakes it with a smile, years of practice allowing her to keep her cool even though her heart is pounding anxiously.

"You too, Wallace," she replies smoothly. "Thank you for letting me crash here."

He nods, his smile remaining fixed in place. "Any friend of Veronica's."

"Yes… thanks, Papa Bear," says Veronica airily. "Much appreciated."

"Come on in, both of you." Wallace gestures them inside.

They enter the house and Lilly glances around at the elegant décor of the place as she moves into the foyer. Veronica starts heading down the hall, and Lilly moves to follow, but a friendly-looking woman with a similar warm smile to Wallace's appears from behind him and holds out her hand.

"Hi, you must be Lucy. I'm Shae, Wallace's wife. Welcome to our home."

Lilly shakes it with a smile. "Good to meet you, Shae. Thank you for all this. I don't want to impose."

"It's no trouble at all. Really." The woman smiles. "Can I get you a drink? I've just opened a bottle of red."

"A glass of red would be lovely, thank you," Lilly replies with a polite smile.

Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Wallace looking at her, and she holds her breath for a second, but there doesn't seem to be any recognition in his eyes. _Yet_, she thinks to herself, forcing herself to relax. _And let's hope it stays that way._

"Why don't you join Veronica and Logan in the living room." Shae nods down the hallway. "I'll be right back with your drink."

Lilly nods and heads in the direction Veronica disappeared in. She finds her former friend standing in the doorway to the living room, seemingly frozen in place as she stares at something in front of her. Lilly sidles up beside her, quickly noticing what Veronica's looking at: Logan is sitting on the sofa, holding an adorable toddler in his arms.

"And boom!" he exclaims as he playfully lifts the little boy up into the air before lowering him back down to his lap. The kid giggles softly and Lilly's heart just about melts. "And-a-boom! And-a-boom!"

"Well, if that just doesn't make your ovaries explode…" she murmurs close to Veronica's ear.

"Shit!" Veronica jumps, inhaling suddenly. "Don't do that."

Her exclamation makes Logan turn, a smile curling his lips as he holds the child close, hand gently cradling the back of his head in a tender gesture.

Logan is good with kids, huh? Who knew?

Lilly glances at Veronica eager to see her reaction to the adorable sight before them, but her friend just looks bored and disinterested.

_What's going on there?_

She frowns; the Veronica she remembers didn't exactly go gaga at the idea of having babies one day, but she certainly wasn't opposed to them either.

The toddler's eyes catch Lilly's and he gives her a toothy grin. She grins back and makes her way over to the couch, taking a seat beside Logan, who softly kisses the top of the baby's head.

"And who is this little handsome man, huh?" she coos, her maternal instincts immediately kicking in. She reaches out to the little boy and he immediately clamps his small fingers around hers. "Aren't you just the cutest little thing in the world?"

"His name is Noah," says Wallace, entering the room and coming to stand near Veronica.

"You mind if I hold him?" Lilly asks.

"Of course, go ahead." Wallace gives her an encouraging smile, before shooting Veronica a look. "At least someone here wants to."

"Hey, I didn't say I didn't want to," protests Veronica. "I've held him lots of times."

"Yeah, but only when you're forced to," Wallace says pointedly.

Veronica huffs and shakes her head at that, but it causes Lilly to frown all the same. What is she missing here? What's going on with Veronica right now?

"Here you go," says Logan, passing the child over to her. Lilly takes him eagerly, bouncing him on her knee as Logan picks up a small, blue toy. "If he gets fussy, he likes to play with this."

Lilly smiles at him in thanks, before turning her attention to Noah. "Hi there, Noah. My name is Lucy. I'm a friend of your Auntie Veronica and Uncle Logan."

Noah looks up at her with wide, curious eyes, shoving his fingers into his mouth, and Lilly's heart gives a tug at the sight, seeing her own little boy doing exactly the same thing. She feels a pang of longing for her son; she's never been so far away from Caden before, never been apart from him for more than a couple of nights until now. And she isn't even sure when she'll be able see him again. Blinking away the tears that threaten to well up in her eyes, she glances in Logan's direction for a second, and realises he knows exactly what—or who—she's thinking of. She gives him a reassuring smile, and he just nods in understanding.

"So, Wallace, where do you put your little Noah Fennel when you're done playing with it?" Veronica's sarcastic voice floats over to the couch and Lilly turns her head in their direction as she hands Noah the toy Logan suggested. "In the garage?"

"Or I put him in his room," counters Wallace dryly. "You know, the place with all the toys and little outfits Auntie Veronica bought him."

"I bought him one ironic tracksuit," retorts Veronica. "Which he does not seem to be wearing, by the way."

Puzzled by the flat dismissiveness in Veronica's tone, Lilly looks to Logan again, only to find him looking down at his hands, elbows resting on his thighs. He looks dejected, almost sad, but when he realises she's watching him, he straightens, giving a small smile and a 'what can you do?' shrug.

_Okay, something is seriously wrong with this picture_, she muses, absently fingering the small toy in Noah's hands. _Why is Veronica acting like Logan, and Wallace, and even sweet little Noah here, are something she just stepped in? _

Across the room, a phone beeps with an incoming message, pulling her attention back to Veronica and Wallace. Veronica pulls her phone out of her pocket and frowns at the screen and beside Lilly, Logan straightens.

"Something wrong?" he asks.

"I don't know," murmurs Veronica. "It's my dad. He says to turn on the news. Channel 7."

Wallace picks up the remote and flicks on the TV, tuning it to Channel 7, and they all turn their attention to the screen.

_"Reports are coming to us live that the bombing at Sea Sprite Motel this afternoon has claimed the lives of three people,"_ says the female news reporter. _"No formal identifications have been made so far, but it is thought that the three casualties in the bombing are the owner of the motel, Sul Ross and his teenage daughter, Matty, along with a pizza delivery man, named locally as Penn Epner."_


	4. Chapter 4

Happy Halloween everyone :D! I'm posting this next chapter from Paris, France... I just arrived here a few minutes ago! I'll be spending tomorrow at Disneyland (in the rain!) and then I meet Jason Dohring on Saturday and Sunday (I'm so nervous)!

Anyway, enough rambling, here's chapter 4 for you...

Note: Parts of the dinner table conversation in the first scene are taken from episode 4x01

* * *

**Chapter Four**

Lilly glances around at the four other occupants of the dinner table with curiosity. Two of them are strangers to her, and while she met the other two when she was a child, so much time has passed since they were part of each other's lives that they may as well be strangers, too. Wallace and Shae seem really nice, though; they've welcomed her with open arms and Wallace hasn't even questioned her identity, which she's taking as a good sign.

The mood around the table is a little sombre, however, with everyone still in shock over the bombing at the Sea Sprite motel. Apparently Matty, the teenage girl believed to have been killed in the explosion, was one of Wallace's students at Neptune High.

They've tried to keep the conversation light, though, with Wallace asking Lilly how she and Veronica met (roommates Lilly's Senior year and Veronica's Sophomore year of Stanford), where she lives now (recently moved to Los Angeles) and what she does for a living (purchasing consultant for a high-end fashion house). Almost none of her answers are actually true, but there's just enough truth to them that she and Veronica decided it would be the easiest story to remember.

Once the 'grilling' from Wallace is over, Shae shares an amusing story of fielding Wallace's mom's constant phone calls when she was trying to work yesterday. Mid-story, she notices Logan's glass is empty and heads for the kitchen, returning with his half-empty bottle of non-alcoholic red wine. When the drinks were poured earlier, Lilly was a little surprised to discover he doesn't drink anymore, but it makes sense given what he told her about ending up in rehab before joining the Navy.

"So, now I'm in the middle of going through a deposition transcript," Shae tells them as she pours Logan a fresh glass, "and Wallace's mom calls again."

Wallace lifts his eyes to the ceiling as Logan asks with amusement, "She called you again?"

"She calls me again," Shae confirms as she takes her seat again and looks to Wallace, "to say there's no salmon in the house."

Beside her, Wallace relaxes, giving a chuckle, shaking his head and lifting his glass to take a drink. "That is not what she said."

"That is _exactly_ what she said," counters Shae with a smile.

"She said she was worried that Noah wasn't getting enough omegas," Wallace corrects.

He takes Shae's hand and Lilly's eyes follow the movement with a soft smile.

"From _salmon_," adds Shae, squeezing her fingers around Wallace's hand.

The couple laugh softly and the teasing camaraderie between them causes a lump to form in Lilly's throat; while it's great to see a couple so comfortable and at ease with each other, she is reminded that although she and Josh have an awesome relationship and she loves him like crazy, she'll never be able to fully be herself around him, or any of the people in her new life. Josh knows her better than anyone else, but he can never know everything about her, and sometimes that hurts more than she'd like to admit.

Beside her, Logan laughs along with Wallace and Shae, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he props his elbow on the table, his hand hovering near his mouth. Lilly's smile widens at the sight of him looking so relaxed and enjoying himself in the company of friends. Though he'd been the life of the party when they were dating, there'd always been this protective wall around him, along with a worrying darkness behind his eyes, neither of which ever fully went away, not even when he was letting loose and having fun.

He catches her eye for a second, and her smile turns into a grin, before she turns her attention to Veronica, hoping to share the humour with her, too. She frowns when she realises her former best friend isn't even paying attention to the conversation; instead her eyes are fixed on the phone in her hand, a frown on her face.

Shae obviously notices it too, because she leans forward and asks, "Everything okay, Veronica?"

Veronica doesn't even react, apparently completely absorbed in whatever she's reading on her phone. It's not until Logan nudges her that she looks at him, then starts in surprise when she realises Shae is talking to her.

"Sorry, just seeing what I can find out about the bombing."

"And you have to do that right now?" Logan asks, and Lilly doesn't miss the slight edge to his tone. "In the middle of dinner with our friends?"

Veronica's expression turns a little defensive. "There might be a case here."

"Which you can look into in the morning… right?" he adds, plucking the phone from her hand and sliding into the far back pocket of his jeans so she can't reach it.

She looks like she's going to protest for a moment, but then she sits back with a reluctant nod.

"Of course." She turns to the rest of them, flashing a smile. "Sorry."

A slightly awkward silence falls across the table, even as Wallace nods and forces a smile.

"This was really good," Veronica breaks the silence by pointing to her empty plate. "Thank you, Shae."

"Oh, it's my pleasure."

"It was lovely," Lilly adds. "Really, thank you."

Veronica turns to Logan then. "Feel like we should probably get going though, right?" She turns back to their hosts. "This guy's still pretty tired from his latest mission."

"No, I'm still going strong." Logan counters with a shake of his head. Sitting up straight, he tosses his napkin down on the table. "Did someone say Cards Against Humanity?"

"Oh, yeah." Wallace's eyes light up at the suggestion.

Logan stands, quickly followed by Wallace and Shae, and the three of them head into the living room, leaving Veronica and Lilly sitting alone at opposite ends of the table.

The slightly confused and disappointed expression on Veronica's face causes Lilly to lean forward with concern.

"Are you all right, Veronica?"

Her friend looks over at her with surprise, almost like she'd forgotten Lilly was there, and pastes a smile onto her face.

"Of course. I'm fine." She tilts her head in the direction of the other room. "Shall we?"

Lilly nods, reluctantly dismissing her concerns as they join the others in the living room.

* * *

It's almost eleven p.m. by the time they call it a night. Veronica tells Lilly she'll come by at ten to pick her up for brunch, and they say their goodbyes, leaving Lilly alone with Shae and Wallace.

"You must be tired, huh?" Shae says when she notices her trying to conceal a yawn. She gestures towards the stairs with a friendly smile. "Come on, I'll show you where you'll be sleeping."

"Thanks." Lilly says gratefully, retrieving her bag from the corner of the room and following her upstairs. "And thank you again, for having me. I don't want to be a burden on you guys. I mean if Veronica and Logan had the room, I'd—"

"Oh, don't worry, it's our pleasure," Shae dismisses with a wave of her hand. "Seriously, as I'm sure Wallace told you earlier, any friend of Veronica's is welcome in our home."

"Yeah," murmurs Lilly thoughtfully. "Thanks."

In truth, she's a little puzzled by both Wallace and Shae's lack of hesitation to help Veronica out. From her childhood friend's total lack of interest in them this evening, not to mention her apparent disdain for their son, if she didn't already know Wallace was _Veronica's_ best friend, she would have assumed he was actually Logan's.

"Okay, here's your room," Shae announces as they reach the landing and she opens the first door on their left. "Feel free to make yourself at home."

She gestures for Lilly to enter, and she steps inside, taking in the soft, warm décor. It's a nice room. Homey.

"The closet's in there." Shae points to the door to the left of the bed, as she crosses the room and opens the door to the right. "And here's your en-suite. Towels are on the rack but if you need anything else, just let me know."

"I'm sure I'll be fine," Lilly assures her. "Thanks, Shae."

Shae smiles. "Well, I'll let you get settled. Goodnight, Lucy."

"Night."

Shae leaves the room, closing the door behind her, and Lilly sinks down on the edge of the bed, then flops back against the mattress with a sigh. This isn't quite what she expected upon her return to Neptune, with the city filled with obnoxious Spring Breakers—Neptune was barely a blip on the Spring Break radar fifteen years ago—and Veronica and Logan in a long-term relationship. Not to mention, Logan now being the stable, controlled one while Veronica is… well, who the hell knows what's going on with her right now? And God, Wallace and Shae and their adorable little toddler. Holding Noah in her arms this evening only reminded her how much she missed her own son.

Her heart aches for Caden. Her little boy. The desire to hold him close and never let go suddenly feels overwhelming.

God, what was she thinking, leaving him and Josh behind to risk coming back to Neptune? It's not safe here, she knows that, and the sensible thing would have been to stay put back home and not even entertain the idea of returning. But she couldn't just sit there, hundreds of miles away, and do nothing, not when her father is dying.

A lump rises in her throat and she tries to swallow it down. She needs Josh; needs to hear his voice. She sits up and pulls out her phone, hesitating for only a second when she realises it's after midnight there, before shaking her head and pressing the call button. Her heart pounds in anticipation as the phone rings once, twice, three times. She lets it ring one more time and is about to hang up when he answers, sounding groggy.

"Luce?"

"Hey, Jay," she murmurs softly. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. I can call back tomorrow."

"No," he says quickly, sounding more alert now, as she hears the bed creak and sheets rustle through the line. "No, it's fine. Is everything okay? How's your friend doing?"

"Everything's fine," she says. "She's doing okay, for the moment." She'd told Josh that an old family friend in Los Angeles, who she hadn't seen in years, was really sick and she wanted to spend some time with her before it was too late… which wasn't all that far from the truth. "I miss you guys, though. How's Caden doing? I hate being away from him for so long."

"He's fine," Josh assures her. "He misses you, and there were a lot of tears this morning when he realised you weren't here, but I gave him the present you left and he soon forgot all about the tears."

"That's good." Lilly smiles, though she feels tears pricking at her eyes at the thought of her son being upset that she's not home with him. "Are your parents still happy to take him next week?"

"Yeah, yeah, they're fine," he tells her. "I think they're pretty excited, actually. It's not often they get to have him for more than a few hours." He gives a soft snort. "We'll see how they feel after a few days of it though."

"Yeah." Lilly laughs gently. "By Tuesday, they'll probably be begging you to take him back."

"Do you know yet how long you'll be out in California?" he asks then.

"Not yet." Lilly gives a shrug. "Hopefully not too long."

"I miss you, too, you know."

"I know," she assures him. "I should let you go, though. It's late and I woke you up."

"That's okay, babe, you can wake me anytime."

"I might have to hold you to that," she teases, knowing full-well how cranky he can get if he's woken unexpectedly. "I love you, Jay."

"Love you, too, babe."

He hangs up with a click and Lilly lets herself fall back onto the bed again, her hand cradling the phone against her chest, homesickness overwhelming her suddenly. Being back in Neptune again is certainly harder than she thought it would be, not just because she misses her husband and son, but because she feels like she doesn't belong here anymore, like Neptune no longer has a place for her.

* * *

"Man, I'm beat," says Veronica as they enter their apartment just after eleven-thirty.

"Yeah," murmurs Logan, closing the door behind them. "Me, too."

He eyes her form as she heads down the hall, sliding off her jacket as she goes, then he glances over at Pony, who is fast asleep in her bed, before following her. They need to talk—the elephant in the room, and the accompanying gnawing, twisting feeling in his stomach, is certainly proof of that—it's just, he isn't really sure how to broach the subject, especially not when Veronica's distracted like she is tonight.

Logan enters the bedroom to find her perched on the end of the bed as she tugs off her boots. Kicking them to one side, she stands, pulling her sweater over her head, then unfastening her jeans and pushing them down over her hips. Stepping out of them, she looks up, raising an eyebrow when she sees him watching her. A sultry smile spreads across her face and she saunters towards him in her black bra and matching panties. She reaches out, hooking her fingers in his belt loops and tugging him close. When she rises up on tiptoes and tries to kiss him, however, he turns his head away.

"What's wrong?" she asks with a frown, her thumbs slipping beneath his shirt, gently stroking the skin there, causing his stomach muscles to contract instinctively.

He looks down at her for a long moment, contemplating for a moment whether now is the right time for this conversation, before shaking his head in dismissal.

"Nothing. Look, it's been a long day. We should get some sleep."

"Oh." She frowns, looking a little put-out as she releases him and takes a step back. "Okay."

As she turns her back to him and reaches for her pyjamas, he slips out of the room and into the bathroom. He washes his face, brushes his teeth and uses the facilities before heading back to the bedroom. As he enters, Veronica moves past him, her head down, and closes the bathroom door behind her. Logan stares at the closed door for a moment, before giving a heavy sigh and moving to his side of the bed.

Everything's so awkward between them right now, and as much as he wishes he could blame the failed proposal, if he's honest, something hasn't been right for a while now. It started about eighteen months ago, when he got back from his second-to-last long deployment—no, actually, it started before that, while he was away. Something must have happened to Veronica during those six months, but he has no idea what because she refuses to talk about it. She just insists she had a string of tough cases that weighed on her, but he's convinced it's gotta be more than that.

When he got back from the deployment, he tried to get her to talk about it, but she shut down, distracting him with sex and food and banter until she fooled him into believing she was back to normal, and in the end, he convinced himself it was true and just let it go. A number of events happened in their lives in the months after that, like Lianne and Hunter moving to Florida after Lianne got a new job opportunity, like Keith stubbornly refusing to accept Logan's offer of financial help to cover his medical bills, and like Logan reaching the end of his mandatory service as a pilot and making the decision to move into his new intelligence role… and Logan's worries for Veronica got pushed even further to the wayside, eventually becoming buried.

Until, now it seems.

Stripping down to his boxers, he shoves his arms into a t-shirt and pulls it over his head, then switches on the lamp on his nightstand before sliding into the bed. He lies back, letting his tired body sink into the expensive mattress he insisted they buy when they moved in, and props his hands behind his head so he can gaze up at the ceiling.

Veronica re-enters the bedroom a moment later, pushing the door closed with a soft click and flicking off the main light. Rounding the end of the bed, she sits on the edge of her side and reaches for her bottle of lotion. The silence between them is almost deafening, but Logan's worried that if he says anything right now, he'll just blurt out his frustration and then they'll end up in an argument, which he really doesn't have the energy to deal with right now.

When Veronica has finished smoothing the lotion over her legs, she joins him under the covers. Neither of them say a word as she snuggles against his side, same as she does every night when they're both home. She lets her head rest on his chest, like usual, and Logan lowers one arm, bringing it around her as he reaches out with the other to turn off the light.

"Night, Logan," she murmurs softly.

"Night, Veronica," he says in return, dropping a kiss to the top of her head, like he always does.

In a couple of minutes, she'll shift, lift her head and softly kiss his lips, before turning over onto her other side and curling into a ball, and in turn, Logan will follow, spooning her from behind as they both drift off to sleep.

Just like they always do.

* * *

Lilly's surprised when, at ten o'clock the next morning, it's Logan, not Veronica, who pulls up outside Wallace and Shae's house.

"This is a surprise," she says, as she climbs into the passenger seat. "Where's Veronica?"

"At the office," Logan says, waiting for her to fasten her seatbelt, before pulling the car out of the driveway. "She and Keith are looking into yesterday's bombing."

"On a Sunday morning?" Lilly's sceptical. "What happened to the day of rest?"

Logan shrugs. "Guess crime doesn't take a day off. She said she'll meet us later."

"Right." She frowns. "So, what's the plan?"

"Brunch?" he suggests. "I know a place out of the way. Somewhere we won't be noticed by anyone who might be looking."

"Sounds good to me."

Lilly can't help looking over at Logan as he drives, taking in his strong profile, the way his arm muscles bulge and flex as he reaches out to turn the radio on. He has this _presence_ now that he didn't have in high school. Not that he wasn't charismatic as all fuck back then, but it was a different kind of energy; a restless, attention-seeking sort of energy. Now, though, it's calm and confident… and mature. It suits him.

"Hey, Logan…" she starts hesitantly.

"Yeah?" He glances in her direction.

"Listen, I… I'm sorry."

"For what?" He sounds a little distracted.

"For how I treated you when we were together." She twists her fingers together in her lap. "I was selfish and immature, and I wasn't sensitive to your feelings in any way, and you didn't deserve that."

"No, I didn't," he agrees brusquely.

"Oh." She straightens, not expecting the blunt agreement.

He must see her surprise at his statement because he elaborates. "My therapist helped me realise that."

"You're in therapy?"

He nods. "Have been for years. It's helped me through a lot."

"I'm beginning to see that."

"Look, Lilly, I'm not going to pretend that you didn't hurt me back then, because you did," he says ,matter-of-factly. "It wasn't just the other guys, it was that I loved you, but you didn't feel the same way. I knew it, yet I kept coming back. Glutton for punishment, I guess."

His confession makes her heart ache. _God, Logan, what did I put you through?_

She's unsure how to respond to this new, mature Logan, though, so she covers with a light scoff. "Come on, Logan, we were kids. We were never meant to be, not in the long run. You knew that."

"Maybe, but doesn't mean it didn't hurt," he counters, turning onto the PCH and heading south. "I couldn't help how I felt about you."

"Yeah…" She nods. "I really am sorry, you know."

"Why did you do it, Lils?" he asks then, his voice soft, but tense. "The other guys, I mean. Was I not enough for you?"

"No, it's…" she starts, then trails off. _Why, indeed, Lilly?_ She sighs, giving a relenting shrug. "Honestly, I don't even know why I did it. I was young and carefree. I wanted adventure and excitement. I wanted to live my life to the full."

"And you couldn't do that with _me_?" His tone is bitter.

"No, that's not… look, I have no excuse, I know that," she admits. "I was a shitty girlfriend to you."

"No disagreement here."

"I thought I could have it all," she confesses guiltily. "I knew you were in love with me, that you would take me back if I asked, so I guess I convinced myself that what I was doing was okay. I didn't think about the consequences until..."

"Until it was too late," he finishes, as he pulls into a rest stop along the PCH.

"Yeah." She looks down at her hands in shame as they come to a stop.

"Tell me something," he says then, cutting the engine and turning in his seat to look at her. "Why my father? Why Aaron?"

Lilly shakes her head, feeling tears prick the corners of her eyes as she takes in Logan's anguished expression. She turns her head to look out of the window, trying to blink them away.

"You knew what he was doing to me, didn't you?" He doesn't wait for her answer. "And not only did you pretend it wasn't happening, you actually fucking _slept_ with him." He gives a snort of disgust. "Putting aside the ick factor for a moment, you realise he almost killed you that day, right? If the feds hadn't stepped in, he probably would have."

"I know," she mutters, her heart starting to pound as she hears rushing in her ears. "And I can't apologise to you enough, Logan. I just got… caught up… in it all; the attention, the excitement, the secrecy. I was naïve and stupid, and I made some bad decisions."

Logan snorts. "Got that right."

"Look, I know I can't undo what I did back then, but you have to know that I'm sorry and that I regret it, and that I'm not that girl anymore."

"Forgive me if I'm having trouble accepting that right now."

"Fair enough." She nods in acceptance. "But listen, Logan, when I was put in witness protection, I had to attend mandatory counselling, and it helped me work through and understand a lot of what happened. I know I screwed things up, but one thing that the counsellor helped me realise was that what Aaron did, it was an abuse of power. Yes, it was consensual, but I was a sixteen-year-old kid, and he took advantage of that. It was statutory rape."

Logan deflates then, sitting back in his seat as he exhales heavily.

"Yeah… I know," he says after a moment. "It was one of the things he was charged with… and was found not guilty, of course."

"Of course," Lilly agrees sadly. "Look I'm not gonna lay the blame entirely on him, because I could have said no, but he was the adult, and I was just a child."

"God, that was so fucked up," he mutters on an exhale, running a hand through his hair, then lowering it to rub the back of his neck. "What he did to you, how he manipulated so many people to get away with it." His eyes harden in realisation then. "Shit!"

"What is it?"

"God, as gross and twisted as this sounds, maybe it's a good thing you didn't say no. He might not have taken no for an answer."

Lilly's eyes widen as the implications of that sink in. "Shit."

There's a moment of silence in the car, before Logan suddenly slams his hands against the steering wheel. "Fuck him!"

His fingers grip the wheel, knuckles turning white as his jaw clenches with anger.

"Hey, you all right?" Lilly asks, reaching out to place a hand on his forearm. "It's okay. He's gone. And I'm here. I'm alive."

It takes him a moment, but eventually he relaxes, his grip loosening on the steering wheel as he nods, his lips quirking up slightly in a sad smile as he glances at her.

"You are." He takes a calming breath. "And he's dead. Gone. Forever."

"He is," she agreed. "He can't hurt you, or me, or anyone else ever again."

"No, he can't." He nods again, more certain this time, as he composes himself. Taking a couple of calming breaths, he starts the car, turning to her again. "But enough rehashing of the past. I believe I promised you brunch."

* * *

They find a secluded spot along the coast a few miles out of town. Other than a small burrito shack and a couple of houses up on the cliffs, there's not much around. Logan buys them each a breakfast burrito and a coffee, and they clamber up onto the rocks, looking out over the ocean. They eat and drink in silence for a couple of minutes, before Logan speaks up.

"Hey, I know you can't give details, but is there anything you can tell me about your life now?"

Lilly nods. "Yeah. I mean, I can tell you _some_ things. What do you want to know?"

"Well, like, what do you do now? For a living, I mean." He takes the final bite of his burrito and chews, before balling up the wrapper and shoving it into his jacket pocket.

She smiles. "Would you believe I actually run a business?"

"Really?" Logan's brows rise, a small smile gracing his troubled features. "What kind of business?"

"I own a small fashion boutique on Main Street in the town we live in," she admits, finishing her own burrito. "Nothing fancy, but I have a degree in fashion design, and you know how I've always loved to shop and accessorise."

"Yeah, I do." Logan gives a soft chuckle. "So, I guess the story we told Wallace and Shae last night wasn't total bull."

"Not completely," she agrees. "I mean, you have to have some realism in a cover story to keep it believable."

"Yeah, I know." His expression turns slightly haunted then, and Lilly frowns, wondering what he's thinking about.

Before she can question it, though, his face clears. "And you're happy, in your new life?"

"I am," she tells him. "I mean, I wish I didn't have to live in secrecy, but I like to think I've made the most of it. I have a career, an awesome adopted family, some great friends, and a husband and little boy I love."

"I'm glad." He flashes her a smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes, which makes Lilly frown in concern.

"What about you, Logan?" she asks. "Are _you_ happy?"

"I am," he says, a little too quickly. "I also have a job I enjoy, great friends, and the woman I love more than life itself by my side."

Lilly takes that in. On the surface, it sounds ideal, but even though it's been more than seventeen years, Logan really hasn't changed _that_ much. He might have this new calm and composed demeanour, but she's always been able to tell when something's bothering him… it's just that back then, she rarely bothered to question it.

"But?"

He shakes his head, looking out at the ocean. "But nothing. I have a great life now."

"Veronica told me about the proposal," she ventures cautiously.

"Yeah, well… it was a long-shot," he mutters. "But I kinda expected it. No big."

"Are you sure? You seem, I dunno…"

He shakes his head. "I'm fine."

"Logan…" Lilly starts hesitantly. "What's going on with Veronica?"

His head snaps to hers, puzzlement on his face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… she doesn't seem herself," she admits. "She's cold, and hard. And I know I've been gone a long time, but no one changes that much, not deep down."

Logan bristles. "Well, she's been through a lot."

"Yeah, she told me some of it." When Logan looks at her in question, she elaborates. "About her dad losing his job, and her mom leaving. What happened to her in high school, and you know, the party she went to."

"Really?" Logan's eyes widen. "She told you all of that?"

"Not the finer details," Lilly confesses. "But she wanted me to know what happened to her because of my… death."

Logan inhales slowly, shaking his head again as he brings his knees up and rests his arms on them. "After you 'died', things were… not good. I was angry and grieving, and… I kind of took it out on Veronica. I blamed her for your death."

"You did _what_?" Lilly's shocked. "Why?"

He sighs. "Because she was the reason we broke up; she told you about Yolanda. If she hadn't done that, we would have been together that day, and you wouldn't have died."

_Shit_. Lilly's heart breaks for him. He hadn't really believed that, had he? She reaches out to touch his arm.

"No, Logan. It wasn't her fault. If it hadn't been Yolanda, it would have been something else."

"I know that now." He blows out a breath. "But back then, I didn't, and I hurt her. I made her life hell. Fuck, I'm probably the reason she went to that party in the first place. And look what happened."

"Shit, Logan…"

"She changed after that," he tells her. "Chopped off her hair, started dressing differently, developed this hard, sarcastic shell. It was her way of coping."

"She's been like this for seventeen years?" Lilly frowns. The Veronica she saw last night doesn't seem like the kind of person Logan would have fallen head over heels in love with. "Because, Logan, last night, she was rude and dismissive, not just to poor little Noah, but to Wallace and Shae, and even to you, too."

Logan looks down at his hands, now clasped together between his knees, his Adam's Apple bobbing as he swallows harshly. He shakes his head.

"No. _This_ is new," he confesses. He gives a soft snort. "Wallace used to call her a marshmallow… you know, soft on the inside, but lately…"

Lilly presses her lips together to keep her composure. "What changed?"

Logan shakes his head, shrugging helplessly. "Until about eighteen months ago, things were great. We were happy, in love, all that jazz. But I then I got deployed for six months, and when I got back, she was different."

"What happened?"

"I don't know." He sighs, sounding helpless. "Something must have gone down while I was away, but she refuses to talk about it. I've tried, but she just clams up. I don't know what to do."

"Logan," Lilly says carefully, "the way she treated you, and the others last night… something's wrong. I mean, the Veronica I grew up with would never treat her friends, or her boyfriend, like she treated you guys at dinner. If I didn't know otherwise, I'd think Wallace was _your_ best friend, not hers. It felt like she doesn't even give a shit about him."

"I don't think that's fair, Lilly." Logan looks pained. "You've barely even been back for two days. You can't just judge her like that. She has a lot on her plate right now."

Lilly sighs, waiting a beat, before saying softly, "Maybe, but she's not being fair to you, Logan. Why do you put up with her treating you like this?"

He looks to the sky. "Because I love her."

Lilly steels herself for his reaction as she murmurs, "But does _she_ love _you?"_

Logan gives her an incredulous look. "Of course she does."

Lilly raises an eyebrow, watching him expectantly until he shifts uncomfortably under her gaze.

"She does," he repeats. "I know she does. It's just that sometimes she struggles to show it. She always has. And sometimes she says stuff that hurts, like she mocks the things that are important to me, like the work I'm doing with my therapist."

"But you deserve better than that, Logan," Lilly tells him sincerely. "You deserve someone who will put you first, who understands what you need."

He looks out at the ocean despondently. "Do I?"

"You don't think so?" She studies him for a moment, as he looks down, suddenly meek and yielding, and suddenly it becomes clear. "God, Logan… you can't possibly think you're not worthy of more than she's giving you, that you have to just sit there and take it? Oh honey, no. You deserve _everything_."

"Yeah, that's what my therapist tells me."

"But you don't believe it?" He shrugs, not looking at her as he swallows again, his jaw clenching. "Oh, Logan."

Before she can think better of it, she's moving closer, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and holding him tight… well, as tight as she can with the odd position they're in. He's stiff for a few seconds, but then he releases his knees, his legs sliding to the ground as his arms come around her. They hug awkwardly for a long moment, before Logan's grip loosens and Lilly takes the hint, returning to sit beside him as he resumes his previous position.

"You don't have to stay with her, you know?" she tells him gently. "If being with her is affecting your mental health, you have every right to walk away."

"I've loved her for sixteen years, Lils." He sounds distraught. "I loved her through nine years apart and through the last five years together. After everything we've been through, after we found our way back to each other...I'm not gonna live without her again. I won't. She's my best friend, you know?"

"Okay," she says in understanding, "but, you can't go on like this either, right? If Veronica won't even talk to _you_ about what's wrong, then I think maybe she needs help. Professional help."

"I know. I think she does, too," he says sadly. "She's never fully dealt with everything that happened to her. I've been suggesting she comes to therapy with me—do the couples thing—but she won't even consider it."

"What about therapy on her own?"

"Tried that, too." He sighs heavily. "Adamant refusal."

Lilly observes him for a moment before giving a resolved tilt of her head. "Well, I'm here now, and even if I don't manage to do anything else while I'm in Neptune, I'm at least gonna do everything I can to help her."

"Really?" Logan looks to her in surprise, but she just smiles.

"Don't forget, she was _my_ best friend once, too, Logan," she says softly. "And I've finally gotten back to her after all these years. I don't want to lose her again either."

"Thanks, Lilly."

Logan smiles at her gratefully, holding her gaze for a moment, before they're interrupted by his phone chiming with a message. He pulls it out, frowning as he scrolls through it.

"Something wrong?"

"It's from Veronica," he says, his eyes remaining fixed on the screen. "She's gonna be held up at the office for a few more hours." He finally looks up at her, his smile forced now, and his eyes sad. "Guess we'll just have to make our own fun, huh?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Apologies - I really didn't mean for it to take 9.5 months between updates, but I just found myself really struggling to get into the right mindset to work on it at the end of the last year and so I ended up focusing on writing lighter, fluffy pieces for the last few months instead.

I've had this chapter written for a while now, but I've been hesitant to post it because it's pretty angsty and I wasn't sure July would be a good time for it. However, since today is both MrsKissyT and Bondo's birthdays, and this fic was originally written as part of the Lilly Lives Fic Collection for their birthdays last year, today seemed like the perfect time to post an update.

So, Happy Birthday, MKT and Bondo :).

* * *

**Chapter Five**

It's just after five p.m. when Logan pulls up outside Wallace and Shae's house. After their talk over brunch earlier, he and Lilly took a drive along the coast, spending some time at a couple of the beaches along the way and staying as inconspicuous as they could as they waited for Veronica to let them know when she would need a ride. When it got to three p.m., and there was still no word from her and she hadn't answered any of his texts or calls, it became obvious she wasn't going to be coming at all.

After asking Lilly if she wanted to try to see her father—given that he's sick and all—she declined, stating it wasn't safe yet and that she needed to figure out the best way to go and see him without drawing attention. So, they headed back to Neptune and went to see some of their old haunts before returning to the Fennels'.

"Thanks for keeping me company today, Logan," Lilly tells him as she reaches for the car door handle.

"Of course, " Logan says warmly. "I had a good time."

"Promise me you'll think over what we talked about this morning," she adds then.

He forces a smile, his stomach twisting uncomfortably at the memory of their earlier conversation. "I will."

"I mean it," she warns. "I hate to see you hurting."

"Yeah." He gives a short nod.

She reaches over and places a hand on his forearm. "We'll get to the bottom of whatever's going on with Veronica, I promise. I hate to see her like this, too."

"I hope so."

She leans over and presses a quick kiss to his cheek. "See you soon, okay?"

"Bye, Lilly."

She gets out of the car and Logan's eyes follow her as she walks up the driveway to the front door. His fingers brush over the spot where her lips met his skin. It's so surreal, Lilly being here, alive and in the flesh after all these years. He almost can't believe the last couple of days have actually happened.

* * *

Logan opens the door to the apartment to find Veronica sitting on one of the stools at the kitchen counter, laptop open in front of her as she fishes noodles out of a take-out carton. A curl of dread starting to form in his belly, he closes the door behind him with a click and allows himself the distraction of crouching down to greet Pony before facing Veronica.

"Where've you been?" Veronica asks flatly when he stands up.

"Where have _I _been?" Logan raises an incredulous eyebrow. "Where have _you_ been? We waited for you."

"I had to work." She shrugs, as if it's no big deal. "I texted you."

"Yeah, but we figured you'd join us later. It was implied, after all." He slides off his jacket and drops it on the back of the couch. "And it is Sunday… you know, day of rest and all that. Oh, and what was that other thing? Oh, yeah, Lilly's miraculously back from the dead."

"Sorry, got caught up," she says gesturing to her laptop screen. "Something's not sitting right with me about this bombing."

Logan exhales as he takes a seat on the stool beside Veronica, studying her for a second as he tries to decide how to approach the difficult conversation they need to have.

Before he can speak, Veronica shoves the take-out carton in his direction. "You want some?"

He shakes his head, not even glancing at it. "No, thanks."

Truth be told, he couldn't eat now even if he wanted to. His stomach is too tied up in knots.

"Okay." She shrugs. "More for me."

"Veronica?" he manages eventually, "can we talk?"

"Uh oh, here it comes." She gives a small roll of her eyes as she puts the carton down. "Go on, then. Yell at me."

He frowns, pushing down the hurt he feels at her words. "Yell at you?"

"Or throw something. You know, for turning down your almost-proposal," she says. "We haven't hashed it out yet, right?"

"I'm not gonna yell at you, Veronica." He tries to keep his voice as calm and level as he can. "Or throw anything."

"Why not? Isn't that the Logan way?" She faux-gasps then, bringing a hand to her mouth. "No, wait, I forgot… therapy has made you all zen now."

"What do you want from me, Veronica?" Logan responds tightly, clamping down on the anger coursing through his veins. "In high school you were always on my back for being too reckless, for letting my anger get the better of me, and now that I'm doing everything I can to manage it and be a better person, you're pissed at me for it?"

"Logan, I—" she starts, but he cuts her off.

"I made a mistake the other night, okay? I never should have tried to ask," he says. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"Yeah, me either," she mutters as she slides off the stool and moves past him.

Logan sighs, swivelling in her direction. "But, Veronica, this isn't just about the other night. Something hasn't been right between us lately."

She stops, her back to him as she says, "I have no idea what you mean."

"I think you do," he counters. "You've been distant, and not just with me, but with Wallace and Shae too. And don't pretend to be clueless about it. It's been going on for months."

Veronica spins to face him, her eyes hard. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Right." He stands up, placing one hand on his hip as he gestures agitatedly with the other. "So I've just been imagining how your cases always come first these days? And that you can barely stand to spend even a few hours with your best friend anymore? Or how dismissive you are of my feelings?"

Her mouth drops open, looking offended. "I am _not_ dismissive of your feelings."

"Sure," he scoffs. "And I'm a rocket scientist."

"Why are you being like this?" she questions irritably.

"Like what? Finally standing up for myself instead of just letting you walk all over me?" he shoots back. "Veronica, something is wrong. You know it, and I know it. Hell, even Lilly knows it."

"Lilly?" Veronica exclaims, glaring at him. "You've been discussing our private life with _Lilly_?!"

"No, it's not like that," he denies quickly.

"What_ is_ it like then?" she demands to know. "Because it sounds to me like she's getting into your head, just like she used to."

"That's not it at all, Veronica." Logan frowns, shaking his head. "She's worried about you. We both are."

_"We?"_ She huffs in disbelief. "See? This is just like her."

Logan stares at her for a long moment, before giving a long, heavy sigh.

"It's not what you're thinking. She cares about you, Veronica. About both of us. She wants us to be happy."

"We _are_ happy."

"Are we?" He waits a beat. "Are _you_?"

She bristles. "Of course I am."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"I can't believe this!" Veronica bursts out, starting to pace. "She's manipulating you, Logan, can't you see that? She wants you back."

"No, she doesn't," Logan tells her firmly. "She's married, remember?"

Veronica lets out a snort of derision. "Like that ever stops anyone."

He stops, staring at her for a long moment as realisation dawns.

"Is that why you said no?" he asks, a little stung. "You think I'm gonna cheat on you?"

"No," she admits in a small voice.

"Then, why?" he asks, ignoring the immense relief he feels at her words for now. "You didn't even let me say anything before you were up and out the door."

She looks at him, her features softening slightly as she moves closer. Her hands come to rest on his chest and he has to hold in his slight flinch at the contact.

"What we have is good, right?" she says softly. "We're good together. We've been good together for five years. Why ruin that with marriage?"

"Who says it would be ruined?" he counters softly, trying to calm the frantic, panicked beating of his heart.

She sighs. "It's always ruined. Life isn't a fairytale. People don't just have a wedding and then live happily ever after."

"Veronica…" Logan shakes his head sadly.

"You love me, right?" She winds her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him. "And I love you. We don't need a marriage certificate to tell us that."

Logan doesn't get a chance to reply because her mouth on his and she's kissing him. For a moment, he wants to resist, but then her tongue slips inside his mouth, doing that thing that makes his toes curl, and he gives in, kissing her back. Her hands slide down to his stomach, her fingers unbuckling his belt and tugging on his zipper.

For a few seconds, he lets it happen, but then Lilly's words from earlier ring in his ears and he reaches down, curling his fingers around her wrist and pulling her hand away.

_'You deserve someone who will put you first, who understands what you need'_,

"Stop, Veronica."

She steps back, hurt shining in her eyes. "What?"

"I know what you're doing," he tells her. "And it's not happening."

She frowns. "What, making love to my boyfriend?"

"You're using sex—using _me_—to avoid talking about your feelings," he says. "You've always done it, and I've always let you get away with it. Not anymore."

She presses her lips together, looking hurt and a little vulnerable. "You don't want me?"

Logan gives a humourless scoff. "Believe me, not wanting you has _never_ been the problem."

"So what _is_ the problem?" she bursts out. "I want sex, you want sex. What's the issue?"

He sighs, taking a step back as well. "The problem is, I'm not your sex toy, Veronica. I'm not here to pleasure you whenever you want it."

"You've never complained before," she returns, almost petulantly. "In fact, you're usually more than enthusiastic."

"Yeah, well. Not tonight," he tells her firmly, making a decision that's been coming for a long time now. "In fact, I'm not doing any of this with you tonight."

Brushing past her, he stalks down the hallway to their bedroom and pulls a large backpack from their closet. Moving quickly and efficiently around the room, he pulls out various items of clothing and shoves them into the bag. Veronica appears in the doorway just as he's heading for the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" she asks, her voice tight, as he grabs his toothbrush and washbag from the bathroom and moves past her and back into the bedroom. "You're leaving?"

"I think we both need some space right now, don't you?" he says, zipping up the backpack and pulling it over his shoulder.

Moving back out to the living room, he grabs his jacket and his bike and wheels it to the door, Veronica following behind him.

"What the fuck, Logan?" she exclaims. "You can't just walk out!"

"No?" he retorts. "Watch me."

Logan pulls open the door and wheels the bike through it, looking back at her for only long enough to say, "Bye, Veronica."

He holds it together just long enough to carry the bike down the steps of their apartment and around the block, before he stops, leaning back against a nearby wall and letting out a long, shaky breath.

_What the hell just happened?_

* * *

_What the hell just happened?_

Veronica stares at the closed door in shock. Logan didn't just… _leave her_... did he? No…no, he can't have. He wouldn't.

After opening and closing her mouth a couple of times in disbelief, she finally manages a disbelieving, "What the fuck?"

She fumbles her way over to the kitchen and pulls out a bottle of wine and a large glass. Filling the glass almost to the brim, she lifts it to her lips and takes a large gulp. Then another, and another.

Topping up the glass, she moves over to the couch and sinks down onto the cushions.

"What the fuck…?" she repeats faintly.

As if sensing her shock and confusion, Pony gives a whine and pads over to her, jumping up onto the couch and snuggling her head in Veronica's lap.

"Hey, there, girl," Veronica murmurs, stroking the large dog's soft fur as she takes another gulp of wine. "Daddy's mad at me, huh?"

She feels numb all over, unable to comprehend what just happened. How did they get from talking about Lilly to Logan walking out on her?

* * *

Veronica barely sleeps at all that night, the wine making her head fuzzy, her mind swimming, the fight with Logan playing over and over in her head. Was it even a fight? She's not even sure what happened between them this evening.

She only just got him back three days ago, and now he's walked out on her. Is he coming back? Is it just for tonight, or is this it… is their relationship over now?

Lying on her side, she curls up into a ball, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. She wants to cry. This is something that should make her cry… right?

Except, there's nothing. Nothing except cold emptiness.

She should be feeling all kinds of emotions right now, but she just… isn't.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

* * *

The next morning, when her alarm goes off, Veronica slaps at it groggily, groaning as she turns over, her head pounding. She didn't fall sleep until almost four a.m. and it's seven now. Three hours of sleep is not good when you've drunk a bottle of wine and were already feeling like shit before that.

Veronica drags herself out of bed and into the shower, but the hot spray does nothing to soothe her head. She doesn't feel like eating. In fact, she feels sick, not only from the hangover, but also because her stomach is churning so badly she already knows she's not going to be able to keep food down this morning. Instead, she pours a strong coffee into her reusable cup and sips at it as she leaves the apartment and drives to the office.

She tries to concentrate on her work, she really does. Normally, a case like the bombing would be at the forefront of her mind, and she'd be clamouring for information, getting stuck right into it… but today, she just feels numb.

Unable to stop thinking about Logan… and about Lilly… she makes it barely two hours into the work day before she admits defeat. She's not going to get anything useful done right now. Keith is out working the rat case for Mr. Hu, so she scribbles a note saying she's not feeling well, and heads out to her car.

She drives around aimlessly for a while, unwilling to go back to the apartment, but not really knowing what else to do. Eventually, she finds herself on Wallace's new street and pulls up in front of his house.

Lilly is probably in there right now; the girl who used to be her best friend, who she could talk to about anything. Except she's not a girl anymore, and she's no longer her best friend either. Still, something draws her to Lilly Kane's presence, and before she can think better of it, she's getting out of the car, walking up the driveway, and ringing the doorbell.

It takes a minute or so, Veronica glancing at the discreet camera situated to her right, which she's sure Lilly is checking, but eventually the door opens, revealing her old friend, standing a little back from the doorway so she's not easily seen, a smile on her face and little Noah balanced on her hip.

"Veronica, hey."

"Hi, Lilly," Veronica says hesitantly. "You're, Uh, babysitting?"

"Yeah," Lilly says brightly, her smile widening as she looks down at Noah. "Wallace and Shae are at work, and I figured since I was here and can't exactly show my face around town, I might as well help out."

"Right." She nods. "Um, you mind if I come in?"

"Sure, of course." Lilly steps further back so Veronica can enter.

Veronica heads inside the house and makes her way into the living room, where she finds an array of toys spread out across the floor.

"We missed you yesterday," says Lilly, stepping around her and placing Noah down on the floor with his toys.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Veronica gives a shrug as she takes a seat on the couch. "Duty calls, and all that."

"Right." Lilly gives a nod, though she looks a little lost. "Logan was disappointed you didn't show."

Veronica feels a stab of pain in her chest at the mention of Logan. "Oh, he was?"

"Of course. So was I."

Veronica nods, before changing the subject, not wanting to dwell on the connotations of that statement.

"How are you settling in here?"

"Great, thanks." Lilly smiles, taking a seat beside her on the couch. "Wallace and Shae are so lovely, aren't they?"

"They are," Veronica murmurs.

"I really appreciate them letting me stay here," Lilly continues. "You're lucky; they seem like awesome friends."

"Yeah."

"And Noah is just the best." The toddler looks over at the sound of his name and Lilly leans forward, reaching out to stroke the little boy's hair. "Yes, you are, cutie-pie."

Veronica watches with a strange fascination. "You're, uh… you're really good with him."

"Yeah, well…" Lilly shrugs. "I've had practice with my little boy."

Veronica freezes, her eyes widening. _What?!_

"You—uh, you have a kid?"

"Yeah." She nods, looking over at Veronica in puzzlement as she pulls out her phone and shows her a photo of an adorable, dark-haired toddler. "His name's Caden. Logan didn't tell you?"

"Logan knows?" She's even more shocked now.

"Yeah, since the other morning." Lilly frowns. "Do you guys, like, not talk to each other?"

"We talk," Veronica says, somewhat defensively.

"Do you?" Lilly's gaze is piercing and it makes Veronica uncomfortable.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

There's a pause, before Lilly frowns. "Is everything okay, Veronica? You don't look so great."

"I didn't sleep much last night," she says, only giving half the truth.

"I'm sorry."

There's a long, slightly awkward pause before Veronica speaks up again, the words just spilling out as she admits, "Logan… um, Logan left last night."

"What?" Lilly's eyes widen. "Left, as in…?"

"As in, he packed a bag and walked out," says Veronica. "I don't know where he went."

"Oh my God, I'm sorry," says Lilly, looking sympathetic. "What happened?"

"I don't really know." Veronica shrugs helplessly. "He just left."

"Veronica, is something going on?" Lilly asks then. "You seem, I don't know… you seem different now."

"Of course I'm different. It's been seventeen years." Veronica's eyes narrow suspiciously when Lilly's words sink in and alarm bells start ringing. "Hang on, what is… is this some kind of intervention? Did Logan put you up to this?"

"What? No, Veronica, I just… I care about you, okay?" Lilly says, sounding sincere. "If something's wrong, I'd like to help. Or at least try."

"Nothing's wrong," she denies. "I'm just peachy."

Lilly just nods slowly, though her expression is a combination of sympathy and… is that pity?

"Veronica…" Lilly starts slowly, causing Veronica to tense in fear.

She can't do this.

Standing up quickly, she mutters, "I need something to drink. You want something to drink?"

Not waiting for an answer, Veronica walks over to Wallace and Shae's kitchen and pulls a glass from the cupboard, filling it with water and taking several large gulps.

"So," she says, putting the glass down and quickly changing the subject. "What's your plan while you're here, Lilly?"

Lilly frowns. "Veronica, don't ch—"

"I assume you'll want to see Jake," Veronica quickly cuts her off. "We should figure out how to do that without you being seen."

"I know," says Lilly. "And we will, but not right this minute. We need to talk, Veronica."

Veronica holds up a hand to stop her. "Lilly, don't. Please. I can't."

"Why not?" Lilly questions, standing up and walking over to the kitchen island, stopping in the other side, opposite Veronica. "Look, I _know_ you, okay? I might have been gone seventeen years, but I was your best friend. I know who you are, inside. And yes, you've been through a lot of stuff… life-changing stuff… but no one really changes, not deep down. What happened to you, Veronica?"

Veronica sees the sincerity and raw emotion in her former best friend's eyes and she can't handle it. She looks away, before _things_ start getting dragged to the surface.

"I can't… I can't talk about it," she manages in a slightly strangled voice.

"Why not?" Lilly asks softly. "You know you can talk to me, and to Logan, about anything, right?"

"No." She shakes her head firmly, pushing all her emotions, all her memories, far down inside her. "I can't."

"Even if it's destroying you?" Lilly's tone is gentle, cautious. "Even if it's destroying Logan?"

That makes something snap inside Veronica. "What the hell do you know about how Logan feels, huh?"

Lilly stares at her calmly for a moment, before stating simply, "He told me."

Veronica freezes, her heart stopping for a split-second. _He what?_

"He _told_ you?" she bites out, anger rising in her chest now. "What did he tell you… _exactly_?"

"He told me that he thinks something happened to you during his last long deployment, but that when he got back you just clammed up and wouldn't talk about it," Lilly says. "He told me that sometimes the things you say hurt him."

She sighs, her gaze steady on Veronica, as she continues to speak.

"Look, the way you've been treating Logan? It's dragging him down," she says. "He didn't have to tell me that part, I can see it with my own eyes. He's tried so hard to straighten himself out, to become this awesome guy that any woman would be lucky to have… and you're just… you're treating him like garbage, Veronica."

Lilly's words sting. More than sting. They're like a punch in the gut. They hit something buried deep inside Veronica. Something she refuses to acknowledge.

Clamping down on her emotions, she grits her teeth, biting out the same words she threw at Logan last night, "You don't know what you're talking about."

But her former friend refuses to be rattled. "I think I might have some idea."

"You really don't," Veronica spits out. "So, I suggest you stay out of it."

She sweeps out of the kitchen and stalks towards the front door.

"Veronica, don't leave." Lilly follows her. "I just want to help you."

Hand on the doorknob, Veronica turns back to Lilly with a sneer. "I don't need your fucking help."

She wrenches open the door and stalks through it, Lilly's next words ringing in her ear as she marches towards her car: "Well, you need some kind of help."

* * *

Incensed with anger, Veronica pulls the car out onto the road, the tyres screeching as she accelerates quickly. Her breathing is harsh, her heart pounding.

Who the hell does Lilly think she is, barging into her life and making awful assumptions about her? Who the hell does _Logan_ think he is, confiding the private parts of their relationship to Lilly?

How did everything in her life get so fucking messed up?

Veronica drives blindly, not thinking about where she's going, a frustrating lump forming in her throat and unwanted tears pricking at her eyes. She keeps driving until her vision is blurred with unshed tears and she has to pull off the road… coming to a stop in the parking lot of the Camelot Motel.

As she glances up at the second floor balcony, her eyes land on the wall just outside room 226…. where she kissed Logan for the first time. Where he took her in his arms and showed her just how good it could be.

Her breath hitches and she feels a sob begin to rise in her chest, but she quickly pushes it down. She will not cry. She can't.

With a cry of anger and frustration, she slams her hands down on the steering wheel, once, twice, three times. Her breaths are coming faster now, hitching in her chest, and she starts shaking.

It's just… it's too much.

Her whole world seems to be falling apart and all she can do is watch helplessly as it slips through her fingers.

It's too much.


End file.
